No Pain No Gain
by movie gal
Summary: We all know Amanda has wonderful instincts but what would it take to bring out the
1. Default Chapter Title

# No Pain No Gain

Story by Dyane Benson aka MovieGal (dyane@wisdommicro.com)

Disclaimer:The characters are not mine, they belong to Shoot the Moon Productions and Warner Brothers.I am only having a little fun with a story.No infringment intended.The story is mine so I need to know if you use it for anything.I just read another fanfic titled Until We Meet Again and I noticed that there are a few similarities with my story.No infringement was intended.

Time frame:Season Three during and after Over the Limit.I have changed what happened in the original episode ever so slightly.She has all the brains and instincts of a good agent, but what would it take to make her a "bad ass" one as well?This episode provided the needed material and soil to grow my story.Hope you enjoy.This is my first fanfic.Let me know if you liked it.

Rating:PG-13

Chapter 1

It was 8 a.m. Amanda sat at her desk at the Agency.She scanned the office and noted with a sigh that Lee was not there.He had been late 3 times that week coming in to work with atired disheveled look and a grin.Amanda knew what that meant, another girl friend.

  
What do I care? She asked herself.It's not as if we have a relationship other than friendship.But over the past few months Amanda was sure that their friendship was growing beyond the bounds of "just friends".The look in his eyes the night he crawled up the trellis into her room during the Chamberlin case told her as much.She knew he had feelings for her but she didn't know how deep they ran.She knew she had feelings for him as well and was equally unsure of admitting how deep they ran.She could push her feelings down.She had been for over 2 years so far.Then, just when things were looking up, just when it seemed that his interest in her was growing and other women was going he starts coming into work looking like a tornado hit him and he couldn't stop smiling.That is until he would look at her.All he could do lately was find fault with everything she said and did.He was pushing her further and further away.He had been rude and condescending before but he had always apologized with either his eyes or his words.So far neither had escaped from him for over a week.

Amanda's heart ached.She could tell something was bothering him.She seemed to have this connection to him that she had never had with anyone before.That is what kept her coming back to this. It was a string that seemed to be connected to her mind, body and soul.She had never felt that way about anyone.Sure, she had to admit that she had a crush on him when she first met him.I mean, who wouldn't.He was incredibly handsome and dashing.But Amanda was not the typical girl.She did not swoon all over him and drool at his feet.She respected his instincts and he had saved her more times than she could remember.Over the past few years they had developed a close friendship.She had come to realize that there could never be anything romantic between them so she had settled for his friendship.They just seemed to click together so well.Sure, he was snappy and rude at times but she knew he had had a rough life as a kid and hadn't had a whole lot of love.That was why she was quick to dismiss his anger and curt words and actions with understanding.She cared deeply for him.She cared for him more than she had ever cared about any man before.She couldn't explain it.Every fiber of her being seemed alive at the most casual touch from him.It wasn't just his looks, though he was extremely handsome.She seemed to see into his soul and knew there was more there.She saw his pain and knew that shutting everyone out all these years was just a defense mechanism but somehow she knew she had made it past those defenses.He had become her best friend. 

Lately though she sensed a distance, a coldness and an anger.He tried to keep her away from him and wouldn't let her assist in any assignment with him.Thank goodness Billy had decided to do Spring Cleaning in the office and she had a bunch of things she could take care of herself.

Around noon Lee finally came into the office.He was very tired from another all nighter with Leslie.He wasn't up to that any more and silently wondered why he kept doing it.It was like he was running from something, or someone.Lee glanced up and caught the eye of the one person right now he didn't want to see yet had an uncontrollable desire to see, Amanda.The pain reflected in her eyes as she looked up at him told him she knew what he was doing with his nights.He felt guilty.He didn't know why exactly.He looked away uncomfortably and cleared his throat. "Morning, Amanda", Lee managed.

"You mean afternoon, don't you?"she replied softly.Her voice was enough to melt his legs and with the guilt he was feeling at this moment he couldn't stand it.Francine looked up with a remark about his Midnight Rambling which only seemed to strengthen the guilt.He walked away from Amanda.He couldn't bear to look her in the eyes.

Lee was pushed aside by Billy.He could see the question on Billy's face."Insomnia, Billy."

"Yea, chronic too.That's the fourth time this week.Look, we are doing Spring cleaning and I want you to watch out for Amanda.She hasn't done this before."Lee didn't miss the disappointment in Billy's voice about his recent activities.

"Ah, come on Billy.Amanda doesn't need a babysitter.She's been around here long enough to handle things herself."

"This is not open to discussion.You know how gung-ho Amanda can get.Just keep an eye on her.That's an order."With that Billy turned and left.His ears picked up the sarcastic tone of one annoying blonde.

"I haven't seen him look this bad since the Russian circus came into town.He was assigned a sword swallower.Her name was Sonja, Sandy…"

"Svetlana, Francine, it was Svetlana and she was an acrobat."Why did Francine always have to bring up his past in front of Amanda and flaunt it in his face.He looked at Amanda and noticed her tight smile.He didn't have to stand here and be grilled by these women.He smiled and left.He just couldn't shake this feeling of guilt that coursed through him when he looked at Amanda's face.Push it down, Lee.You have nothing to be ashamed about.It's not as if you have a relationship with Amanda besides friendship.Or do you?Lately all he could think about was her.Night and day she crept into his thoughts and dreams.She even appeared when he was with Leslie.Push it down, Lee, he told himself.He was getting pretty good at that. He had been doing it for over two years.Try as he might, he couldn't help but notice that she had somehow crept into his heart and set up a permanent residency there. 

He couldn't remember when the little housewife from Arlington had stopped becoming an annoyance and became a welcoming sight everyday.He thought with fondness the courage she demonstrated time and time again saving his tail more times than his pride was willing to admit.Harry V. Thorton had seen it in her as well.'Hold tight to that one, Lee, my boy,' he had told Lee recently after she had saved Harry's tail.She was becoming a good friend, his best friend if truth be told.Something about her made him open up and tell her things he had never told anyone about before.He even told her about Dorothy and his aversion to the smell of roses.He had never told anyone his true feelings.Until Amanda.She seemed to be able to read his mind and her patience and kindness made him feel so comfortable around her.I was during the Chamberlin case that things really started to get uncomfortable.He had seen the pictures Amanda had taken during her surveillance of Alan Chamberlin and had seen the terrorist, Frank Onechi, and knew she was in possible danger.Sure it had been in the middle of the night and he knew she would be asleep but he had to warn her right?He had convinced himself that it couldn't wait till morning.He had climbed the trellis next to her window and woken her up.She had let him in and quickly climbed back in her bed pulling her blankets up over her.She was so cute.Even with no makeup on and her hair all disheveled she looked like an angel.He had found himself suddenly speechless.He had casually asked how things had gone with Alan that night.He didn't miss the look on her face and the way she had touched her lips when he had asked her if anything unusual had happened.He was surprised by the strength of the jealousy that had gone through him at that moment.He had to get her away from Alan.He had told her to stop tailing him and showed her the picture of Frank.She, of course, did not agree stating that she was the only one close enough to him to get any answers and quoting the "textbook" how could he refuse.Once again her logic and common sense prevailed.How could he ague with her points on why she should stay on the case.If he refused her points he was afraid his jealousy would be seen and he was not prepared to deal with what that meant.She had agreed to leave at the first sign of danger and then they had shaken on it.That had been the mistake.The current of electricity that shot through him at their touch was intoxicating.Suddenly he was very aware that he was in this beautiful woman's bedroom and sitting on her bed and the only thing between him and her was a thin white nightgown.God, she was beautiful.All he had wanted to do at that moment was lean over and capture her lips with his and embrace her passionately. What was he thinking?He could tell she was just as affected and the way she reacted by trying to cover up was what snapped him out of his reverie.He had let his fingers gently slide out of her hand, caressing the tips of her fingers before letting her hand go.Even after he had left the emotions coursing through him had confused him.Actually they scared the hell out of him.He was a fully trained agent who could fool any number of women.He had this affect on women, they did not have that affect on him.Besides, she wasn't even his type.She was a single mother with a mortgage.They could never get involved romantically.Could they?No, that's impossible.Amanda required someone who was willing to make a commitment and Lee wasn't the settle down kind.He couldn't possibly be physically attracted to her.Then why had he wished he were the one on the other end of Amanda's lips when she had kissed Alan goodbye.He had never had anyone look at him the way Amanda looked after she had kissed Alan.They were real emotions not lust filled eyes.She was unlike any woman he had ever known.And the feelings being around her were starting to stir in him made him scared as hell.He couldn't think as clear so he had to push her away.He had to stay emotionally unattached.Lives were at stake in his line of work.What would happen if he found his concentration slipping when he had a job to do.No, he definitely needed to bury these feelings.Nothing could come of them anyway, right?He just had to continue to tell himself that.It was for her own good after all.

Well, he was with Leslie now, beautiful, sophisticated, refined, normal Leslie.There was something about Leslie that attracted him to her but he couldn't seem to put his finger on it.Maybe it was because every time he looked at Leslie and touched her, Amanda kept creeping into his mind.He tried to get her out.He was rude and snappy to her and he knew it.The hurt in Amanda's eyes after each confrontation was more than he could bear but he just reinforced his walls and shut her out. 

He sighed as he sat down to drink his morning coffee.Boy did he need it.He was exhausted.His mind started to drift again… 

He had a date with Leslie this weekend at the Embassy.He thought about the last Embassy party he had gone to with Amanda and he saw her with that breathtaking black dress with the thin straps that she had worn.Amanda had looked so beautiful.Her gentleness and kindness seemed to glow from her.She was always seeing the good in other people and especially him.Even after all those times he hurt her with his words or emotions she still forgave him.Her smile was radiant.Even the slightest touch sent tingles to every part of his body.Her smell was intoxicating and he could hardly think clearly when she was too close to him.

Yes, that was it.He had to push Amanda away so he could think clearly about what he felt about Leslie.Maybe he would get Leslie a dress like Amanda's.Leslie would look beautiful in it too.He made a mental note to ask Amanda where she got it.With a smile he walked in to Billy's office to start the day.

Tears stung her eyes and threatened to overflow.With her folders clasped firmly to her she breathed a sigh of relief as the elevator doors closed shutting out the picture of Lee standing in the hallway.He had asked her about the dress she wore to the Embassy Ball and was touched to hear him tell her how beautiful she was in it.Maybe he was coming around.Then she understood that his intentions were to get one for his girlfriend.She had quickly looked away knowing that the tears were waiting for an excuse to come.She politely excused herself and left. The tears that were waiting had been there all week.He refused to work with her on the files she was taking care of with the Spring Cleanup so she turned and left herself.She refused to let him see her cry.She made it to her car before the first one came and she sat there for 10 minutes as silent sobs racked her body.She knew they were just friends and he could date who he wanted but why did he have to be so rude?Why was he pushing her away.Taking a deep breath she raised her head and resolved, as she had many times, to keep going and move on.At least he was a friend.At least she hoped they were still friends.She wasn't even sure of that anymore.Even though she realized she did care for him deeper than that of a friend, she realized that he could never care for her, not the way she cared about him.Not a "frumpy housewife" from the suburbs with two kids and a mortgage as Francine was so kind to frequently point out.

Oh well, she had work to do.She started her car and headed to the Save the Bay office.

"What do you mean, an explosion?That's were Amanda was going!"Lee shouted at Billy.

"Look, I know how you feel.I am worried too.You don't have to yell at me.I didn't set off the bomb.Come to think of it, you should have been with her in the first place."

"Don't start Billy."Lee was in a daze.Once again Amanda was in danger and it was his fault.He refused to go with her when she had asked, saying she could handle it herself.Why was he so stubborn?"What am I going to do?"Lee didn't know that last thought had come out of his mouth.

"You can go down there now and see if she is all right!" 

"Damn straight I can."

With that Lee slammed the door to Billy's office and headed to the elevators.

Francine stuck her head in Billy's office."What's up with him?"Francine indicated the rapidly retreating figure of Lee.

"Amanda was down at the bay where the explosion took place."

"Well, with the way he's been behaving towards her lately I am surprised he even cares.I know she is just a housewife with clerical skills but even people like her deserve to be treated better than that."

It never ceased to amaze him at how condescending Francine could be even when she was trying to pay someone her version of a compliment."Don't go there, Francine.What do you need?"

"I was just dropping off some of the completed files from Spring Cleaning that I am finished with.You don't have to be so snappy."With a huff Francine set the files down on Billy's desk and left the office.

Billy sighed.He could tell Lee was in turmoil over this but there was nothing he could do to help Lee see that the feelings he had were because he loved Amanda.The walls around Lee Stetson's heart had been breached by a wonderful, beautiful, smart, kind and caring housewife from Arlington.Billy smiled.She was the best thing to happen to Scarecrow.He just hoped Lee's little escapades over the last few days wouldn't destroy the tender heart of Amanda.He could see she was upset when she saw Lee. Billy had learned to read her openness as she had become very close to him too.They were the best team he had.Amanda had not yet received formal Agent training but Billy intended to have that fixed as soon as possible.He already told her he wanted her to go see Leatherneck for shooting practice.Amanda had asked him earlier that week if she could take the weekend till Tuesday off to go on a boat trip with her mother and sons.She had looked like she needed a break.He was more than happy to give it to her.He could see the pain in her eyes from the stress Lee's recent behavior was having on her.He made a mental note to mention Agent training to her when she got back.

Lee sat back in his car in front of his apartment.He silently reviewed the last few days.Lee was so relieved to see that Amanda had not been hurt by the blast.He had held her and comforted her.Somehow it felt so right to have her in his arms.The fear of possibly losing her had subsided and peace once more entered his soul.He had worked with her on the case and even let her call some of the shots.He had to admit that she was incredibly instinctive.He really would follow her blind through a snowstorm.She already made a fine agent and made a mental note to ask Billy about formal training.They were in high spirits as they made their way up to his apartment.Finding Leslie there had completely taken him by surprise.Guilt and anger and frustration all flowed through him once again.To top it all off Amanda and Leslie seemed to hit it off.When Leslie mentioned the dress to Amanda he saw the hurt in her eyes and it pierced his very soul.He couldn't deal with this now.He had rushed her out of the apartment and they had had another argument.She had told him that Leslie was too normal for him.He, of course, had become defensive and told her to go home after she mentioned the fact that she felt the warehouse needed to be watched.What did she know?Who was the senior agent here?He had told her to go home as the elevator doors shut.Reflecting back now he knew that she wouldn't but at the time his pride was too strong and his anger too hot that he didn't listen to that little voice that told him to follow her.Instead he went inside to have a nice meal and a romantic evening with Leslie.He had called Leslie Amanda but Leslie had let it slide.She had mentioned how lucky Lee was to have Amanda.Even Leslie saw the special qualities in Amanda and she had just met her briefly.Just as they were about to kiss the phone rang.He was to meet Okeefe with "the girl".Of course he wasn't going to use Amanda.This was too dangerous.He had called Francine and they had gone over to the warehouse.He and Francine had Okeefe on the run till Okeefe got the jump on Francine.Lee was forced to throw his gun away and had been frustrated at the turn of events.He found himself wishing that Amanda was there and then suddenly there she was, sneaking up with Francine's gun in her hand of all things!He knew he had to distract Okeefe.She aimed the gun at Okeefe but then at the last minute aimed it high and shop the pulley above Okeefe that was holding a net.The shot was perfect.The net landed on Okeefe and Lee had taken him out.Francine had congratulated Amanda on her shooting.Lee had a thousand things going through him.He was relieved to see Amanda, scared for her at the same time, had a gun pointing at him to name a few and what does she do?She takes out the pulley.Why didn't she take out Okeefe?He knew the answer.He knew she didn't like to shoot people but he couldn't help his anger.He had criticized her actions instead of complimenting her.What was up with him?They had gone back to the Agency and Amanda had been debriefed first.When he had come out she was gone.He had hoped to see her and apologize for her behavior.Billy had let him have it for his actions that night.Billy had told him how Amanda had gone over to the warehouse after leaving his place and kept a watch on Okeefe.That it was her that took out Okeefe's goon who had tried to blow up his car.The cuts and bruises she had gotten were for him and all he had done was treat her badly again.He felt like a heel.He would apologize later.He had gone home to find Leslie still there.After everything that had happened that day he was emotionally drained.He couldn't think straight.He began kissing Leslie with a fierceness that surprised even him.And then the bomb fell.While they were passionately kissing and groping each other, he had moaned. "Oh, Amanda!"The air became so cold he shivered even now just thinking about it.He had hesitatingly looked into the hurt eyes of Leslie knowing it was over.What a slime ball he was.Here he was dating this incredibly gorgeous and wonderful woman, leading her on, and all he could think about was Amanda!Damn it!Looking back now he was thankful that Leslie was more mature than him.He had cringed from the slap he knew he deserved but never came.Instead she had just looked at him with tears in her eyes and then turned and gathered her things and went to the door.At the door, with her hand on the knob, she had quietly said, "Amanda is one incredible but unlucky lady to have captured your heart.I wish her luck.Goodbye, Lee."With that the door had closed with a softness that hurt.He deserved to have had it slammed, it would have been better if it had.Somehow her quietness hurt even more.Leslie even recognized something he was never before willing to admit to his conscious mind.Amanda had captured his heart.He cared deeply for her, he had for a long time now.He just wasn't willing to admit it to himself.Amanda was normal and he was a loner.What would a housewife see in him, besides his good looks and his job.He realized now why he was dating Leslie.She was beautiful, kind, sensitive, gentle and a brunette.Everything Amanda was.She was an Amanda substitute.He had run so long from the truth of his feelings.He could run no more.The stark reality was staring him in the face with all its raw truth.With a groan he had sunk to his knees as the reality of the situation hit him.He knew Amanda had had feelings for him but he knew he had pushed her away, afraid of the emotions that coursed through him every time he was with her.He had pushed her away for a long time especially this last week, perhaps over the limit this time.Would she forgive him this time?He wanted nothing more than to have her put her arms around him and say she forgave him for the way he had treated her, for what he had done with Leslie.Why couldn't he tell her his feelings for her?His damn pride, that's why.Well, he had had enough of it.He was going to go over to Amanda's house right now and set things straight.He was going to apologize to her and make that hurt in her eyes and in his heart go away.This was uncharted territory but he had to start somewhere.What if Amanda didn't feel the same way?What if she rejected him?He didn't want to hurt the strong relationship that had taken them over 2 years to build.He would never know unless he took a chance.Yes, he was willing to risk their relationship on hopes for a deeper one.The more he thought about it the more the energy coursed through his veins.For once he was unafraid to see his future.His future with Amanda.Maybe he would ask her out on a date, a little red wine, steak and baked potato, just the two of them.No shop talk. He was excited to see where this relationship could go. With that, he started his car and drove to a little suburb in Arlington happier than he could remember ever being.

Amanda rushed home after the debriefing.She was glad that Lee was not around when she finished her debriefing.She knew she needed to get away from him and sort out her feelings.Seeing Leslie had been quite a shock.For one thing she was nothing like the floozies that Lee normally dated.She was kind and gentle and not at all threatened by the fact that Amanda was there.Amanda actually liked her.Looking back now at Lee's behavior over the past week and couple that with Leslie only spelled one thing.Lee was growing up and his choice in his girlfriend was not one Amanda could argue with.He genuinely liked Leslie and she had just barely met her.She would be good for Lee.Amanda was glad that Lee had found someone like Leslie.She just couldn't see him.Maybe she could request a transfer when she got back.Maybe.She said a silent prayer to God thanking him for her mothers new boyfriend, Hunter Conrad, with the yacht.He had invited the whole family on a trip to the Bahamas.The family had not had a vacation in a long time and the boys were simply thrilled.Dotty was excited too.The lingerie she had gotten for the trip made Amanda blush.It was so hard to think of her mom that way.She smiled as she recalled her mothers last words to her three days ago.

"Now listen Amanda, I know you have to finish up this project you are working on but you had better come.IFF has been working you too much lately and you need a vacation.I don't mind watching the boys for a little while but I want some alone time with Hunter.The sooner you get there the happier I will be.I didn't get that Rebecca's Fantasy's lingerie to read in if you get my drift."Amanda had been speechless.The boys had only cheered her on."Way to go grandma!"Where were they learning those things?Her boys sure were growing up fast.She missed her family so bad.They had left 4 days ago.She had promised her mother she would be there this weekend and not to worry.Amanda grabbed the suitcase she had packed and locked up the house.She drove to the pier where the seaplane waited to take her to her mother and boys just missing the silver Corvette that pulled up to her house just five minutes later.She missed her boys terribly, especially this week.Having to deal with the pain Lee was causing and not to have anyone to come home to made it even harder.Well, she would be with them in a matter of hours.She got out of the car and grabbed her suitcase and went to the little office where she was to meet the pilot.

The moment she walked in she could tell something was wrong.The secretary was in tears and the pilot was grief stricken. 

"I'm afraid we have some bad news," the pilot said gently.She could see it was a strain for him to talk.

Panic seized Amanda's heart."What's happened?"The pilot looked away with tears in his eyes."Please tell me!" Amanda pleaded.

The pilot cleared his throat and with a thick voice told her what had happened.There had been a terrible and unexpected storm the day before."It came out of nowhere.Your mother and sons where on the yacht out at sea when it struck.Many islands were affected and lost all power.Many ships were damaged.There was an eyewitness that saw Hunter's yacht in a certain area that was strongest hit by the storm and nowhere near any island.We just finished our search…"

"Maybe they're still alive!They could have been rescued by a passing ship.They could have swam to a nearby island.They could have been…" Amanda was frantic, hysterical, rambling even trying to make the pain go away.The look on the pilots face spoke of no hope.

"Mrs. King!" the pilot shouted.He grabbed her by the shoulders to stop her tirade."They found the ship.Or what was left of the ship.It had been struck by lightning and sank nowhere near any island even close enough to swim to.They found this…"

Amanda gently took the lifejacket that was handed to her with Phillip's name on it.She wasn't seeing this.She wasn't here.This was not happening.Wake up Amanda.Wake up!Please be a dream.Please let this whole week be a dream.I am going to wake up in my bed and hear the boys arguing over the toast and smell the coffee her mother always made in the morning.The pilot continued to talk saying they found the remains of the life boat among the wreckage.Amanda couldn't take anymore.She wordlessly turned and left.She was numb.She couldn't feel anything.She could not even cry.Why couldn't she cry?

The pilot shook his head and watched with a heavy heart the woman who had stood before him as she made her way to the pier.He watched as she sat on a bench and just stared out to sea.Though his loss was deep he knew hers was deeper still.Hunter Conrad had been his Uncle.He had even been named after him, but she had just lost her whole life.His heart ached for her.He grabbed a blanket and went out to join her.She had no one now, he knew she was divorced.His uncle had said as much when he spoke of them.His uncle genuinely seemed to love that woman, Dotty.All he could talk about was her and the boys and this woman, Amanda.He sat down next to her and put the blanket around her.He held her as tears streamed down his cheeks.What saddened him even more was the look on the woman's face.It was as if she was dead herself.He knew she needed to grieve her own way and a loss like hers would take some time.

  
They sat there like that for several hours, neither speaking.Hunter looked down at this woman and squeezed her.That was when he noticed the blood on her pants.It was coming from her tightly squeezed hands.

"Mrs. King."She did not answer."Mrs. King."Hunter was getting worried now."Please give me your hand."She allowed him to take her hand and pry it open.Her nails had dug holes into her palms.It wasn't too bad."Come with me and let's take care of your hands."

Amanda got up and mindlessly allowed him to lead her to the office.She just stood there as the man washed and wrapped her hands.He offered to take her home.Home.Did she even have a home anymore?The only people that ever loved her were at the bottom of the ocean.She snapped out of her reverie."No, I can manage myself.Thank you for your help.I will be fine."

Amanda drove for hours going nowhere in particular.She just knew she couldn't go home, not now anyway.Without her children and mother she had no home.Even the thought of Lee brought only pain.She had no one now.No even a friend to turn to.She found a little bed and breakfast near her house and checked in.She went to her room, shut the door and lay on the bed and wished she were dead too.She had just lost her mother, her two boys and Lee.There just didn't seem to be anything left to live for.She closed her eyes and drifted off into a fitful sleep full of disturbing dreams.

Lee was a nervous wreck.Coming over here was a big step.He didn't know what he was going to say or how he would say it.He only knew he needed to see her and apologize.He would ask her to dinner and they could enjoy an evening with no "shop talk".He had no idea how he would let her know how he felt, he only knew that it was forward.He would just have to feel the situation.They were best friends, after all.They had made it through worse.The hours dragged by.Lee checked his watch.It was after midnight.She should be here already.A sudden fear gripped him.What if she was hurt worse than he thought at the warehouse tonight when she had taken that other guy out?What if she was at the hospital?He grabbed his car phone and called Billy. 

"Billy, do you know where Amanda is?Is she okay?"

Billy pulled himself from his sleep and heard the worry in Lee's voice."Lee, calm down, she is gone.She left for a few days vacation.She will be back on Wednesday.Now go get some sleep.I know I need it after tonight."

Relief flooded over Lee followed by a sadness.She was gone and he wouldn't see her for four days."Where did she go?"He had to know.Maybe he could go to her and be with her.

"Sorry, Lee, she asked me not to tell you.You understand?Need to know and all that.Good night, Scarecrow."

Before Lee could protest and demand that Billy tell him Billy had hung up.He knew it would be pointless to pursue the matter.He hung his head and drove home.At least he would see her Wednesday.With that thought he closed his eyes and dreamed of Amanda.His Amanda.

"Noooooooooo!"The terrified maid heard the scream and rushed to the office to tell the manager.

Amanda reached out and grabbed her sons hands.The wind was blowing fiercely and the rain pelted her skin.It stung her but it felt good.It felt good.Her grip was slipping.She couldn't hold on to them.Her mothers anguished cry came next and she looked up to see her slip beneath the water.She struggled to keep her grip but she couldn't."Hold on!I'm coming.Don't leave me!Please don't leave me!."The next face she saw was Lee's.She wasn't on the ocean anymore.She was on one side of a fizzure that kept getting wider and wider.Lee was on the other side and she couldn't reach him.Then he turned and left with someone."Don't leave me!" she sobbed, don't leave me.She sank to her knees.They hit the ground hard.It felt good.The pain shot up through her legs but it felt good.It felt good. 

She was roughly shaken awake.She slowly opened her eyes and looked into the concerned face of a kindly old man."Who are you?" she asked.

"My name is Gerald.I am the manager here.Do you know where you are?" Gerald was worried.He had banged on this woman's door for 5 minutes and she had not responded.All she did was scream.He had gotten out his key for her room and let himself in to help her. He could tell she had been through something traumatic.Her eyes were void of something, he couldn't tell but they were filled with pain just a few moments ago.Her cry had been heart rending too."Can I help you?"

Amanda slowly gathered her wits about her.She was in a bed and breakfast about 30 miles out of Arlington, VA where she lived.Where she lived with her mom and two boys.No, They were gone.She waited for the grief and pain to engulf her but nothing came.The only pain she felt was the throbbing of her hand where she had cut herself with her nails.She traced the outline of the bandage.Suddenly she knew what she had to do.She got up, thanked Gerald and left the room.She paid her bill and went to her car.


	2. Default Chapter Title

# No Pain No Gain

Story by Dyane Benson aka MovieGal (dyane@wisdommicro.com)

Disclaimer:The characters are not mine, they belong to Shoot the Moon Productions and Warner Brothers.I am only having a little fun with a story.No infringment intended.The story is mine so I need to know if you use it for anything.I just read another fanfic titled Until We Meet Again and I noticed that there are a few similarities with my story.No infringement was intended.

Time frame:Season Three during and after Over the Limit.I have changed what happened in the original episode ever so slightly.She has all the brains and instincts of a good agent, but what would it take to make her a "bad ass" one as well?This episode provided the needed material and soil to grow my story.Hope you enjoy.This is my first fanfic.Let me know if you liked it.

Rating:PG-13

Chapter 2

Wednesday dawned bright and sunny, as sunny as Lee's mood.He had spent these few days thinking about what his feelings for Amanda where.His feelings for her seemed to grow stronger and the fear and uncertainty weaker.He was a bit nervous about her reaction but he was certain they could work it out.What if she didn't care for him the way he cared for her?It didn't matter, he was going to see Amanda today.He would have to tell Billy he wanted to work with Amanda on their next assignment.Billy had been acting funny for the past two days in fact he had avoided Lee whenever possible but it didn't bother him.He was going to see his Amanda.He got up, showered and dressed.When he reached the agency there was a spring in his step.He whistled as he came in the front and Mrs. Marsten ushered him through.He whistled all the way to Billy's office.His whistling stopped suddenly as he noticed a distinct lack of a special face.

He opened the door to Billy's office and sat down."Where's Amanda?I thought you said she would be here today."Lee was a little irritated but waited patiently for an answer.

Billy did not answer at first.He looked tired and he had dark circles under his eyes.Something was bothering him."Everything OK Billy?"Lee managed to ask.He had a sudden sinking feeling that his mood had to do with Amanda.He hoped everything was all right.

"Lee, Amanda is not here.She won't be coming in for a couple of weeks."Billy managed to say.

"Where is she?Why isn't she going to be here for two weeks?"

The panic in Lee's voice was unmistakable.Billy hated to have to hide things from him especially when it had to do with Amanda but he had made a promise to her."She is at Station one for a while and will move up from there.She came in early Monday and requested to go.I had been thinking of sending her anyway so we arranged it and that is where she is.She is going to go through a rigorous two week training.She will be fine.You, however, need to get back to work on this case.You know, I have some more information on Michael.They spotted him last night at one of the local bars.I want you to go down to The Drain and see what you can dig up." 

"Why was I not told about this on Monday?Why did you keep it from me?She is my partner for heavens sake!I had a right to know."Lee was more than a little angry.Now he had to wait two more weeks to see her.He didn't know if he could make it that long.To top it all off he couldn't even sneak out to the training camp till this case was closed and it looked like it may not be for a while.Damn!Why was this happening now?Just when he finally figured out his feelings?

"Well, if she is your "partner" as you so forcefully state, you sure haven't been treating her like one lately.When she comes back if you so much as look at her sideways or speak rudely I will transfer her myself.No, I don't want to hear your lame excuses."Billy saw the look that Lee had on his face and knew when he was going to defend himself."She is the best thing to happen to you and you know it.I want you to set aside your feelings and consider hers.She has been busting her tail to try and help out around here and if it wasn't for her we wouldn't have a number of cases solved and you would probably be dead.Now I want your word.You will behave around her.Understand?" 

Billy's voice told Lee how serious he was.How could he explain to his boss that the reason he was treating Amanda so badly was because he cared about her?You don't treat people you care about like that so Lee kept it in."Yes, sir," was all he managed to say. 

"Good, now get out of here and down to that bar."End of discussion.Billy sat down and picked up a file from his desk and started reading. Lee grunted and threw a disgusted look at Billy then stalked out of the office, his cheerful demeanor gone.Billy knew this would be hard for Lee but not nearly as hard if he told him what was actually going on.If he had told him that Amanda had come in Monday looking like hell, that her family had all been drowned and that she was a walking emotionless robot then Lee would not have been able to contain himself.Amanda had made him promise not to tell Lee about her family.Not yet.She would tell him when she got back.For now she said she needed something to do and she was ready for the agent training.The hard look in her eyes was the hardest on Billy.He recognized it from many an agents loss himself.Her sparkle was gone.He had agreed to the training hoping she would be able to get the anger and pain out of her system.The program she was going into was not easy and definitely would help take her mind off her loss.He couldn't help but feel that he had lost something too.His heart ached for her.She was almost like a daughter to him.Time would tell.He just hoped Lee would be okay.

The next week and a half went by quickly.With some help from TP, Lee was able to get the proof he needed to trap Michael and get him behind bars.No more consulate bombings.He had spent every moment on this case not noticing much besides the case.He was exhausted but the good thing was he still had two days left to go and see Amanda at her training camp.He finished his debriefing and left a message for Billy saying where he was headed.He went home and changed into some sweats and a t-shirt, packed a light duffle and practically ran out the door.

He arrived at the camp two hours later.It brought back pleasant memories of the last time he was at one of these.It had been with Amanda.Of course that had been Station One and this was definitely not that.The training here was harder and tougher.Only the best came here.That made him think, why was Amanda here?She had failed miserably at almost every course at Station one and couldn't even shoot a gun at someone. Two weeks ago, at her first trip to the shooting range Leatherneck had said she would take a lot of work.She had gotten the Agency's lowest ever score. What was going on here?He made his way down to the office and inquired where he might find Amanda King.The agent checked his badge and told him where to find her.She was on the obstacle course now, on the other side of the hill to the west.Lee thanked the man and left.As he came to the top of the hill he could see the course spread out before him.He remembered when he was here.It was grueling.He just could not picture his little slim Amanda being able to make it through this.The ropes and logs and pits were much bigger and higher and deeper that Station One.Then he spotted her.Her figure was unmistakable.He decided to just sit here and watch.What he saw shocked the hell out of him.Amanda was going through the drills like a pro.She didn't even miss a step and he knew he would be hard pressed to keep up with her.Something about her was bothering him.He decided to get a closer look.He couldn't see her face.Fear gripped his heart.Suddenly he felt this uncontrollable need to see her face. 

As he got closer his heart stopped.He stopped.He could see her face clearly now.She was not looking at him but that did not matter.He would recognize her face anywhere with it's ready smile and that unmistakable twinkle in her eye.What he saw was not the Amanda he knew.There was no sparkle in her eyes.No smile on her lips.No emotion whatsoever.She seemed hard.Her body looked great.Her legs were tan as were her face and arms.She had developed a little muscle that only accentuated her lovely figure.But there was something missing from Amanda.Amanda was missing.

Dear God, what has happened to her?He felt his heart breaking.All he wanted to do was go to her and take her in his arms and hold her, tell her that everything would be okay.

Before he could move the class left and went to the shooting range.Amanda was first.She never hesitated as she took her stance and fired the gun.With unerring deadly accuracy she hit the target of the man dead center in the chest and head.That shocked Lee even more.He knew she had trouble shooting at people.Just two weeks ago she had complained that the reason she shot the pulley at the warehouse and not the man was because she would have missed.Even her practice that week had gone bad.She wouldn't even shoot at the target of the person.She just shot at the ceiling to get the practice over with.She couldn't even keep her eyes open while she shot.He had laughed at her endearing quality to not want to hurt anyone.So why was she shooting one now, with her eyes wide open and with deadly accuracy?What had happened to her?He waited in the shadows and followed the group to the mats.When Amanda's turn came up she moved like a panther.Her movements were lithe and precise.She took down the man agent that was twice her size and flipped him.She knelt on his chest effectively knocking his breath out and immobilizing him.She backed off but there was no emotion on her face.Nothing.It was like she was a robot.She didn't even look proud at her accomplishment.This was not the Amanda he knew.Lee didn't know what to do.He was scared to face her now.He knew the last time he had seen her he had berated her on her use of a gun.They had not exactly parted in good company.She was not likely to welcome him with open arms.Instead of going to her he decided to watch her.From there they went to the gym.She came out of the locker room dressed in short shorts and a tight t-shirt.She was very becoming and looked great, then he saw her face.He had never seen her like this.She walked over to a punching bag and started to warm up.She punched and kicked.He recognized some Kickboxing moves from his classes.She was good.He had to admit she had good form, she had always had good form.She had always had a knack for helping out.Her methods may have been different than he would have done but she had good instincts.He had always known, deep inside, that she would make a great agent some day.He just didn't think it would be so soon.

Punch, punch, kick punch, kick.The adrenaline rush was exhilarating and the pain from each punch fulfilling.Each punch helped her to forget.Forget about the emotional pain she was not having.The physical pain was her only link to reality.

After about an hour and a half of working up a sweat she stopped.Lee thought she must be tired.He could see a little blood on her knuckles and some bruises on her legs and arms he hadn't noticed before.He was glad she was stopping.The way she was attacking the bag made him glad she was on his side.She must be tired.She wiped her face with a towel, hung up her gloves then sprinted out the door.Lee had to run to keep up with being able to see her.With an open mouth, Lee realized she was not heading to the cabins but out on a jog.She had just spent the last 5 hours doing an obstacle course, shooting and kicking and hitting.Anyone else, himself included, would have been exhausted by now, and here she was running.He couldn't keep up with her and soon she was gone among the trees.He decided to wait at her cabin. He would just have to find out which one it was.

He found the same agent behind the desk in the office.After finding out which cabin was hers he left and slipped inside.He found a comfy chair in the corner and decided to wait for her.It was an hour later that he heard footsteps coming up the stairs.It was after 9:30 p.m. and it was dark.The corner Lee was in was in the shadows.The door opened and a very tired but determined face appeared in the doorway.She didn't even bother to light a candle.Instead she came inside and started to remove her shoes.Then she started on her clothes.Lee was transfixed, but he knew she would be angry if she knew he saw anything.He decided to make himself known.Gosh, she was beautiful.

He cleared his throat.With cat like reflexes Amanda spun and grabbed him.Before he knew what was happening he was on his back, on the bed with his arms pinned and a knee in his throat.

"Amanda, it's me, Lee." He managed to squeak out.

"Lee?"Was that relief in her voice?She slowly removed her knee and Lee sat up.

"Nice move.When did you learn that?"

"Last week.What are you doing here?"Her voice shook a little but gained strength towards the end.She would not let him see her weak.Never again would she let her defenses down.She had been weak all her life.She had let too many people into her heart and all she got was loss and pain.She would never let herself be hurt again.She had worked hard all week trying to get her family out of her mind.She had started with that at the bed and breakfast.That was easy.They were gone.She buried them deep along with the emotion but Lee's memory had been harder.He was not gone and she would have to see him again.Well, at least it would not be a weak Amanda that saw him.She would show him he couldn't hurt her.She didn't care who he dated.She knew she still loved him and she had almost gotten him out of her mind and heart today.The harder she worked, the more pain she inflicted on her body with the hard training and the more she concentrated on the task at hand the easier it was.The more physical pain she felt the better.At least she was feeling something.The pain she didn't feel for the loss of her family was replaced by the physical pain.The physical pain helped to numb the only thing she did feel and that was her feelings for Lee.Now here he was, in her cabin.Her heart skipped a beat but she shoved it back in its cage.She would not let him see her with her guard down.

"I came to check on my partner.I was worried about you.You know how you always get yourself into trouble without me.I thought you might need me."He laughed trying to lighten the mood.Amanda was not to be lightened, however.

"You don't have to worry about me anymore.I can take care of myself.I won't be a burden to you or anyone ever again."

"You were never a burden, Amanda." Lee said softly.

"Don't lie to me, Lee.All you ever did was try and ditch me on a case when you could.That is until you needed good ole Amanda.Mr. Hot Shot Agent couldn't be seen with a lowly little housewife no matter how helpful she was.Maybe I was a little clumsy and got into a little trouble but I have fixed that now.I won't be a burden to you anymore.You won't have to be embarrassed to have me with you.Francine will even have to eat crow.I could probably kick her a—now too."

Lee sat there in stunned silence.He had never heard her be so blunt and use such harsh language.This was definitely not the Amanda he knew.Something was definitely wrong."I know I was a fool for not seeing you for what you truly are and I am truly sorry for the way I have behaved over the past few weeks, years even.I care about you and about our friendship.I want to be here for you.Please tell me what is wrong.I can't bear to see you this way…"

Amanda could hear the sincerity in his voice.But she didn't want to hear this now.If she did she would have to let her guard down and that just was not going to happen.He obviously did not know about her family.His face would have shown that.He genuinely seemed to be worried about her.I don't care anymore, she thought.Instead of touching his face which was her first impulse she snapped, "What way would that be Lee, a fully trained agent that doesn't need a man to take care of her anymore?"She could tell he was about to say something.She could tell her words hurt him.The look in his eyes was too much."I think you better leave.I am tired and I need to take a shower."

"I am not leaving until you tell me what is wrong.Don't push me away.Please."Lee was desperate.Here stood the woman, or the shell of the woman he cared about.He knew his Amanda was in there somewhere if he could just reach her.He recognized her tactics of walling people out.He had done the same thing when his partner, Eric, died.Amanda was the one who had melted his defenses.She was the one who helped him see that life was worth living.Her gentle love was what had saved him from a life of loneliness.He only hoped he had not pushed her too far away.He couldn't help but think that she was here because of him,because he had shoved her away and substituted her with Leslie.He had been a fool before but he was not going to let it happen again.

"You're a fine one to talk of pushing someone away."Touche!She was right, what right did he have to ask her not to push him away when that was all he had done to her for a long time."Fine, stay if you want.I don't care."With that she proceeded to remove her clothing and step into the shower in the corner.She didn't even care that he saw her naked.The shy demure Amanda was gone or pretty well hidden.The shower started and Lee just sat there.Something was going on.She wasn't providing any answers.Maybe he could get something out of Billy.Silently Lee got up and went to his car.The drive home did nothing to ease his growing concern and frustration.No matter how he looked at it he just couldn't see that his pushing her away a few weeks ago would culminate to this.Something else must have happened.When he got home he got in the shower.Lost in the steam he allowed the hot water to massage his stress away.The woman he cared about, who had always been there for him who had cared for him and taught him about love was in pain and there was nothing he could do.He felt so helpless.Perhaps Billy could shed some light on the subject.The next day was Sunday.Amanda would be done with her training by then.He decided to call Billy.

"William Melrose here."

"Billy, it's Lee. "

"Hello, Lee.What can I do for you.Is everything okay?"Lee could hear the tiredness in Billy's voice.He sounded more tired that he had ever heard him before.

"Billy, I need to know what is going on with Amanda.I just got back from her training camp and to say I am stunned would be a massive understatement.It was like she was dead inside and was a robot.You should have seen her on the obstacle course.She ran it without any problems and did better than I ever did.On the firing range she shot the human target dead center Billy.A human target!You know she doesn't like to shot at human targets.She fights and kicks with excellent skill and seems to have an energy that is unstoppable.This is not my Amanda.I recognized the look in her eyes as one who has lost something or someone.Don't give me a bullshit story either.I want to know what is going on, damn it!Does it have to do with me?"

The sigh on the other end came from deep within Billy's chest.Should he come clean?Lee was bound to find out anyway.The entire Agency already knew but Lee's involvement with his case must have made him oblivious to anything else going on in the office.Plus from the description Lee just gave of Amanda his worry for the past two weeks was confirmed.She was not dealing with this in a healthy way.Maybe it was time to tell Scarecrow and hope he could reach her."Lee, I need to know what your real feelings for Amanda are."Billy already had his suspicions.

"So it does have to do with me."Lee cursed under his breath.This _was_ all his fault.But she hadn't lost him.

"Lee, this has almost nothing to do with you.You may be just a small part.Now answer my question.What are your real feelings for Amanda?"He knew Lee loved her but was unable to tell her.If Lee could tell him that he loved her then maybe Lee was the medicine Amanda needed.

Lee hesitated.His new found feelings for Amanda were new to him.He had never even said them aloud to anyone.How could he now?To his boss of all people.Something told him to tell him, though.He couldn't believe the next words that came out of his mouth.

"I care about her, Billy.I care more than I have ever cared for anyone before.I care so much it scares me.I can't lose her now that I have finally found her.I realized this two weeks ago the night all hell broke lose at the warehouse.What am I going to do?I can't seem to reach her.What has happened to do this to her?"Lee couldn't believe the admission.But it was all true, every bit of it.

Billy was relieved to hear Lee admit this to him.He knew how hard this was for him too."Lee, what I am about to tell you will hurt and shock you.Please understand that I kept it from you at Amanda's request.I had no idea things would get this bad.That night at the warehouse Amanda went to her debriefing and left to go on a plane to meet her mother and sons on a yacht in the Bahamas.When she got to the plane she found out that there had been a terrible storm and the ship her family was on had been struck with lightning hitting the lifeboat and sinking the ship.They found Phillips life jacket and parts of the yacht.They were too far from any kind of Island to safely swim if they did make it and since the life boat was struck that ruled out the possibility of them being adrift.Her family is dead, Scarecrow, and she doesn't believe you care about her after the way you treated her with dating Leslie and all.She lost everyone of value she has ever cared about and part of her died.I was hoping that training would help relieve some stress but it seems she has walled off all emotion.We have to do something but I am afraid we can't just push our way in.She is in a very delicate frame of mind.Just be there for her and let her know with your emotions that you care.My advice to you would be to tread lightly.If she hears you proclaim your undying love now she will take it as an act of pity.I will schedule some appointments with Pfaff on Monday.We'll get her through this.I know we will."

Lee was stunned.Did Billy just say "love"?Was his feelings love?He wasn't sure but everything suddenly seemed to click.Her actions and words suddenly made sense.His heart ached for her loss.He knew what she felt.Billy was right, though.He had to take this slow.There was time later to sort out his feelings for her.Right now she needed Lee, the friend, not Lee, the lover.Lee cringed as the thought entered his head.No, Amanda couldn't possibly see him as her lover not after this past few weeks.The thought didn't scare him, though.Now was definitely not the time to pursue those feelings.Time would tell though.Right now he would be the best friend he could be and hopefully he could let her know how sorry he was for his past actions.


	3. Default Chapter Title

# No Pain No Gain

Story by Dyane Benson aka MovieGal (dyane@wisdommicro.com)

Disclaimer:The characters are not mine, they belong to Shoot the Moon Productions and Warner Brothers.I am only having a little fun with a story.No infringment intended.The story is mine so I need to know if you use it for anything.I just read another fanfic titled Until We Meet Again and I noticed that there are a few similarities with my story.No infringement was intended.

Time frame:Season Three during and after Over the Limit.I have changed what happened in the original episode ever so slightly.She has all the brains and instincts of a good agent, but what would it take to make her a "bad ass" one as well?This episode provided the needed material and soil to grow my story.Hope you enjoy.This is my first fanfic.Let me know if you liked it.

Rating:PG-13

Chapter 3

Sunday eeked by ever so slowly.It took every ounce of strength Lee had not to run over to Amanda's and talk to her, hold her and tell her everything would be all right.Billy was right.He was in no position to do that not after his stunts a few weeks ago.He would have to slowly gain her trust back.Patience was never his strong point but Amanda had taught him a lot.Hadn't she waited over two years for him to come around?If she could do it for him he could do it for her.Monday arrived and Lee got up early and was at the office before Amanda came in.He had the next case all ready to go and was ready to brief her the moment she came in.At 8:00 on the dot the elevator doors opened and out walked Amanda.Lee noticed the dark circles under her eyes but there were no red marks from crying.He wondered if she had even let herself cry.He resisted the urge to go to her and give her a hug.He noticed her attire.It was different than her regular work clothes.She wore jeans and a tight t-shirt and a wool blazer in light brown.It complemented her eyes but without the usual sparkle the effect was dimmed.Her hair was pulled back into a pony tail with little wisps of hair teasing her neck.She looked beautiful though hard. She noticed Lee staring at her and didn't even blush as she usually did when she caught him staring.Instead she walked straight up to him said hi and good morning and went straight to Billy's office with an air of sureness and professionalism.Lee followed her in.The Monday morning meeting was underway.Francine joined them and they started.They were to track down a rumor of possible KGB connections with the current major increase in the drug market.Lee and Amanda were to take the reigns and go and get a statement from a man in the hospital who supposedly had information that linked the drug dealers with the KGB.Amanda's eyes were straight ahead.She took note of everything.When she had a question it was professional and straight to the point, no typical Amanda ramblings.When the meeting was over with she got up and went to Lee's office to get started.

Francine had a look of pity in her eyes.She knew the look of someone in pain well enough so she held her tongue and silently wished her luck.She knew of Amanda's loss.By now the whole Agency knew.How she had held up this long showed her strength.Francine was ashamed to note she had not given this little wisp of a housewife enough credit.She silently took back every mean thing she had said or thought.She resolved to be nicer to her in the future.Besides, the jacket did look great on Amanda.

When Lee got into his office he noticed Amanda had taken off her jacket.What was underneath it shocked him.She was wearing a shoulder harness with a gun!Amanda had always refused to carry a gun.He had to admit she looked like an agent now.He sighed and stepped inside to start the day.

So far the morning had gone smoothly.The information the man at the hospital gave and the description of a man called The Blade was very informative.The leads that TP had given them were leading down one road and then the next but Lee felt confident that they were getting closer to tracking down The Blade.This Blade person seemed to be the middle man for the drugs between the streets and the KGB.Why the KGB was dealing in drugs was a mystery and the sooner they tracked it down the better.Something was just not right.Amanda had voiced his same concerns, what would the KGB want with the drug trade?That was not their normal avenue.He looked over at Amanda.She looked a little better than she had this morning.Maybe it was because of the three cups of coffee she had drank that morning or maybe it was being on a case and having something to do.Either way she seemed to flow with the work.She was not the timid person he knew just 3 months ago.When she asked questions it was not with a hesitancy like before but with a sureness and a tone of assertiveness.He could see the wheels in her head spinning as she was trying to figure out their next move.

Lee broke the silence, "TP said that his informant claims to have heard The Blade spoken of frequently at the dance club called The Pit.I think that is our next stop."

"I agree.We won't be able to go until tonight though.Going now will only raise suspicion.We don't want to be seen in our Agency attire.We'll need to blend in.You could pick me up at 8:00 and we could go down.I don't think that my station wagon would go over too well with trying to 'blend in'."

Lee had to laugh.She was right about that.A small smile played at the corners of Amanda's lips.For a brief moment he saw the old twinkle in her eyes but instantly in was gone again.She looked away and cleared her throat."We better head back to the office and inform Billy of what is going on."

"Right you are, partner.After you."Lee did a flourishing bow and opened his car door for her.She refused to look Lee in the face.Nice and slow was how he had to do this.Nice and slow.He shut the door and walked around to his side.Before opening his door he took a deep breath and said a little prayer.Something he had not been in the habit of since he was a little boy."God, please give me strength to help this wonderful woman.Please help me to ease her pain."He got in and they were off.

The ride was one of silence.Nothing was said until they got to the Agency.Lee was getting out intending to go around and open the door for Amanda when he noticed her hand on the door handle."I'll get that for you," Lee said.

"That's okay.I can get it."Amanda opened the door and was heading for the doors of the Agency without a further glance back to see if Lee was coming.He sighed and followed.This was going to take some time.

In Billy's office they went over their game plan for that night.They had a really good description of what The Blade looked like and Amanda was the one who would do the most.Part of it was that Amanda would pose as a depressed woman who's husband had just left her and who was looking to get high and have a good time.Nice and easy the way they understood The Blade to like his women.Lee would just pose as a typical womanizer.Amanda had made the comment "Not too hard" under her breath.Lee knew he wasn't supposed to hear that but he did.If only she knew he only had eyes for her.Had only had eyes for her for a while now.

Billy looked at the pair before him.Amanda's stance was stiff and unrelaxed.He decided to bring up a touchy subject."Lee, could you excuse us for a moment.I need to talk with Amanda alone."

"Sure, Billy."Lee squeezed Amanda's arm and told her he would be waiting just outside the door.

Billy walked to the windows and pulled the blinds so they could have some privacy."What do you need, sir," Amanda asked with a touch of hesitancy in her voice.She knew what was coming and didn't want to hear it.

"How are you doing?"

"I'll be fine.The pills the doctor gave me to help me sleep make it so I don't remember any dreams.That or I don't have any.Either way I am getting more sleep than I used to."Amanda's voice held a note of tiredness.

Billy knew this was hard.It was hard on him just to see her this way."Have you told Lee about your family yet?"

"No, sir.I know he knows.I know everyone knows.I can see it in their faces when they look at me.He doesn't need to hear it from me.At least he is not criticizing every move I make."

"Amanda, I know how hard this is for you but you and Lee make a great team.Not to mention the fact that you two have become good friends.Don't you think it would improve your working relationship if you told him what is going on?He cares about you.I can tell this is bothering him deeply.He doesn't like to see you in pain."

"That's the problem Billy.I feel no pain.I should be breaking down and sobbing and my heart should be breaking but I can't even feel anything.You see this?"Amanda picked up a pair of scissors from Billy's desk and opened them up.Before Billy could stop her she had made a small cut across the top of her forearm about two inches long. It wasn't bleeding very much.Billy just stared in shocked silence.He looked in Amanda's eyes when she cut and saw the smallest flicker of ecstasy cross her eyes to be immediately replaced with the dull dead look."That is the only pain I feel now," came her soft reply.

Billy grabbed a tissue and held it to Amanda's arm.She took it without a word and just stood there lost in thought.Billy knew this next subject would be touchy but he had to get it out."Amanda, I want you to go and see Pfaff today."He saw the look of protest on her face and pushed on before she could speak."This is not a request.This is an order.I have made an appointment for you at 3:00.I was hoping you would be back for it.You don't have to work until tonight so I don't want to hear any complaints.Is that clear?"He knew his voice was firm but there was concern there too.Amanda heard it and hung her head and said, "Yes, sir."

"Good, now go and get that arm taken care of."As Amanda turned to go Billy reached out and grabbed her arm and pulled her into a gentle hug.He felt Amanda relax but then go stiff and pull away.

"Thank you, sir, for trying tohelp.I need to go now."With that she opened the door and left.

Lee had not witnessed the scene in the office due to the fact that Billy's blinds were down.Amanda's face told him all he needed to know.Her guard was back up and there was a look of determination on her face.He noticed her holding a tissue to her arm with a little blood on it and wondered what had happened."Hey, partner.How did it go in there?"When she didn't answer he asked, "Do you want to go and get something to eat?It's only 12:30 and I am starving."

Amanda looked up as if suddenly realizing that Lee was there.She shook her head."No, I was going to go down to see Leatherneck and practice shooting for a while.Thanks anyway.I'm sure there is someone else you could go with that would be better company.Why don't you go a give Leslie a call.I'm sure she has time for that.You have all day to be with her."

She saw the look of pain cross his face.She knew her words were harsh.Her voice was harsh.She didn't care.Why should she care?He didn't.

Lee stood there hurt but understanding.He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and tell her he never had loved Leslie, that he had been a fool and that there was no more Leslie.He wanted to tell her how much he loved just her and only her, his Amanda.But he couldn't.He knew it would be misunderstood by her in her current frame of mind.Instead he smiled and said, "I would much rather go shooting with you.Do you mind?"

"Suit yourself."Amanda turned and walked to the elevators with Lee following behind.The old habit of placing his hand on the small of her back came naturally.This time, when he touched her she pulled away and kept a distance between them.Lee understood.He sighed silently inside and smiled at her with a gentle smile.Amanda looked away and pushed the button for the floor to Leatherneck.

Amanda could not look at Lee right now.Even now his simple touch set her body on fire.She would not do this to herself.She would not allow herself to feel these emotions.She couldn't afford it.There was just too much waiting behind that little dam she had built around her emotions for him.They were the only thing she seemed to feel.The last thing she needed was for him to see her weak.She still loved him so much but that was her weakness and she knew it.She would just have to avoid contact with him. 

The gun going off in her hand felt good.The force of the shot gave her arms a jolt but she didn't even care.She had been shooting for ½ hour straight.Though her arms ached with holding the gun and shooting for that long she craved more.She needed more.Pain was like a drug right now.She needed it to feel alive.She was stopped by a gentle hand on her shoulder. 

"Amanda, our times up.You need to let the other agents play."Lee hoped his playful voice would enter the little world Amanda seemed to be in.He had called her name three times and she had not answered.She had even ignored the buzzer indicating the end of a session.She had kept firing till the target had one big hole in the center of it's chest and the head was in tatters.His arms were sore and he was sure hers must be but she did not look as if she were going to stop.She stopped at his touch and looked at him.He could not read the reaction in her face.It was one of anger, joy and fear all at the same time.She flinched from his touch as if his hand had been fire.

"Sorry, I was just concentrating.Excuse me."She squeezed past Lee and went to the front to get her gun checked.She had been using a larger one than she was carrying in her shoulder holster.She needed to do more.She looked at the clock.It was only 1:00.She still had two more hours before her meeting with Pfaff and she needed to get some energy expelled.

She headed down the hall without waiting for Lee and made a bee line for the gym.She needed to punch something, anything.Lee caught up to her and said, "Where you going now?"

"I am going to go to the gym.I need to practice on some of the kicks and punches I learned at training."

"Mind if I tag along?"

"It is a free country isn't it?"

Lee watched as she went into the ladies locker room.This was hard but he could be patient.He had a good teacher.He could wait.

After he had gotten dressed in his shorts and t-shirt and tennis shoes he went into the gym.Amanda was already there and warming up at the punch bag.She looked really sexy in the tight silk shorts and tight t-shirt she was wearing.He knew it was so she could move better but he enjoyed the look just the same.He had never really seen her wear clothes like that before.She was always dressed modestly and conservatively.Pull your mind out of that thinking, Lee. He told himself.That kind of thinking was not going to do Amanda any good.He spied the weights over in the corner and headed in that direction.He knew she needed some space but he also needed to be near her.Although he knew she could take care of herself physically he felt fiercely protective of her right now emotionally.He would watch her from here.

After about an hour and a half Lee was in the middle of kicking the punch bag, practicing some of his Kickboxing, when he suddenly noticed that Amanda was gone.She had been here just 10 minutes before.He stopped and looked around for her.She was not at the weights as she had been just previously but he did spy another agent, Steve, at them.

"Did you happen to see where Amanda went?"

"Yea, she left about 10 minutes ago and headed for the showers."

"Thanks."

"No problem.It is kind of weird seeing her in here.I am glad she's finally getting her formal training.Just think, not only does she make a mean brownie but she can deliver a killer punch too."Steve laughed at his little joke.Lee smiled.How things had changed in just the blink of an eye.He headed for the showers.Maybe he could catch her but he would have to hurry.

It took him 20 minutes to get ready.Surely Amanda had taken longer.Women always did didn't they?He looked at his watch.It was 2:50.He glanced down the hall.No sign of Amanda.He asked a nearby agent if they had seen her.

"Tall good looking brunette?Yea, she just passed me upstairs.On level 3.Fine looking lady.Wish I had her number.You're Scarecrow aren't you?"Lee heard the admiration in the young mans voice.He was a little irritated at the insinuations this guy was making about Amanda.He was obviously new so he had better be set straight now.

"Yeah, and that "good looking brunette" who you think is so "fine looking" is my partner."The tone in his voice spoke volumes.The young agent quickly excused himself and headed the opposite direction.Level 3, that could only mean one thing.She was going to see Pfaff.He would bet his life on it.Well, at least she was getting some help.He went to see Billy.

Chapter 4

Pfaff sat in his chair and observed the stiff and uncomfortable form of Mrs. Amanda King.He knew why she was here.Billy had briefed him.So far, besides the brief exchange of pleasantries Mrs. King had not spoken a word after his question of how her partner, Lee Stetson was doing.He had seen cases like this before.When someone looses someone close to them they tend to shut people out.In the case of Mrs. King he knew things were much worse.She had shut herself out.She had shut out any emotion.She had lost her entire life.He could see someone before him that felt she had nothing left to live for, but a single thread of hope seemed to glimmer somewhere in her eyes at the mention of Lee's name.He had suspected there was something going on between the two of them.The whole agency suspected it.That is until Lee started dating that Leslie woman.Things were making sense.He knew her grief needed to find and avenue to safely express itself.He looked at her sitting there in her jeans and t-shirt.Her blazer was over a chair and he noticed her gun.Everyone knew of Mrs. King's fear of guns and hurting people.Apparently she had gotten past that.He wasn't surprisedby this fact.It was common in some extreme cases for a person to adopt a totally different personality in order to survive the loss of a loved one.He noticed the bandage on her arm.There was bright red blood that had recently seeped to the surface of the large bandage.A current injury.He noticed her bruises on her hands and cuts on her knuckles.Her arms sported quite a few bruises and abrasions themselves.He knew she had just gotten back from a rigorous two week agent training camp.He had his suspicions about the bruises though.His next question and her answer confirmed them.

"Mrs. King, what are you feeling right now?"

After a few minutes Amanda's reply was, "I am not feeling anything.I have been sitting here trying to feel something.Anything.When I think of my children and my mother I know I should feel something.Instead there is only this hollow emptiness inside.I feel nothing.The only thing I feel is for someone who feels nothing for me so I block that out.What right do I have to feel those things for someone when I feel nothing about my family?"

"Tell me about your bruises."

"These…"Mrs. King slowly fingered the bruises on her arms and hands.She even went over some spots on her legs under her jeans."These are the only "pain" I have any more.Physical pain is the only thing that registers.I know I should be feeling pain inside for the loss of my family but I have none so I have these…"She sat there in silence for a long while.Pfaff searched for any clue to see if she was getting beyond this.All he saw in her eyes was a deadness.He knew she would get through this but only with some help.If she didn't snap soon then her alternate identity might remain permanently.He knew who he needed to speak to.Time was a luxury that was unpredictable in cases like this.He needed more information from a different source to see if his hunch was accurate.He gently took her hands and helped her stand.Her emotion showed the wall that was there and he knew he would get no further today.

"Why don't we agree to see each other on Wed.Okay?Same time?"

"Sure.See you Wed."Amanda heaved a sigh of relief as she shut the door, glad Pfaff had not pushed the subject of Lee.She just couldn't deal with Lee right now.She knew he cared about her.They were great friends but she did not want his pity.She would wall off her love and thus protect what little heart she had left.A heart that should be breaking from her loss but wasn't.She turned made a quick stop at wardrobe and made her way home.

Pfaff sat in his office gathering his thoughts for a while after she left.He knew she would probably go home.She had mentioned she had to work at 8.He sat there and sucked on an ice cream bar he had gotten from his personal freezer.He called down to Mrs. Marsden and confirmed she had left the building.Then he called Billy's office.Lee was there.He was glad of that.Just the two people he wanted to talk to.He told them to stay there and that he would be right down.

"What can we do to help?"Billy's voice echoed the concern that Lee was feeling as well.

"Mrs. King has just gone through a terrible ordeal that in her understanding has left her with nothing.In order to protect herself she has shut down her emotion and essentially become the exact opposite of what she would normally be in some instances.Characteristics that she normally would not demonstrate she does.Things she normally wouldn't say she had no problem with now.It is a defense mechanism that is not uncommon.There is some emotion there, however.This is something that is not related to her family.Lee, how close are you and Mrs. King?"

"She is my partner and my friend."Pfaff knew he was holding something back.He could read this mans emotions for this woman like a book on his face.

"My guess would be that you love her but have never told her, am I right?"Shock registered on Lee's face.How did he know?Lee hung his head.

"I only just realized it myself over 2 weeks ago.I wanted to tell her before this all happened but I never got the chance.That was the day she found out her family died.Billy and I agreed that my telling her now would only just confuse her and make her think I was pitying her.So I am just patient and trying to be there for her in any way I can."

"Right you are.I must say I am impressed with your assessment Mr. Melrose.I can see more and more why you are head of this agency.She has deep feelings for you, Lee.No, she did not tell me that.I could not tell you anything she would say to me but I am telling you what I have observed over the past 2 years with her and yourself.I believe those feelings are her only link to sanity right now.She is effectively walling them off but she won't be able to do it much longer.She will take physical risks she would not normally take to feel the rush of adrenaline and the physical pain to prove to herself she is still alive.Watch her and just be there for her is all I can say.I have another appointment with her on Wed.Let's see what a few days does for her."

"Hello?Oh, hi Lee."Amanda's voice was like music to his ears, tainted though it was with tiredness.

"Are you ready?It's 7:55."Lee was just pulling into the subdivision where Amanda lived and had called her from his car phone.

"Yeah, I am ready when you are."

"Good, I am just around the corner.See you in a few minutes."

Lee pulled up to her house.He got out and rang her front door.It felt weird being at the front door but he had nothing to worry about now.He noticed a FOR SALE sign on her lawn.He would miss this house and all the memories it held.The front door opened and a vision stood before him.He could tell his mouth was hanging open.The sleeveless, low cut blouse she was wearing was a lot revealing and the tight leather pants hugged every curve of her beautiful frame.Just when he thought his ears would burn up from his flush Amanda jolted him back to reality.

"Put your tongue back in your mouth.Do you like?"She did a little turn."It is amazing the stuff the agency has.Something for every occasion.Now I know where to go when I go to the next Kiss Concert."She gave a little laugh.She felt like another person.This disguise thing had her giddy.She had pretended to be something else before but never someone like she was tonight.The rush of adrenaline was intoxicating.Seeing Lee only heightened it.She could play along though.

It felt wonderful to hear her laugh, even if it was only a little one. Lee cleared his throat and extended his arm."You look like a lady with a deadly mission tonight.One look from you and we won't have to worry about The Blade.He will fall dead at your feet from a weak heart."

Amanda smiled.It felt good to hear his compliment.It felt good."You don't look so bad yourself in those jeans and that shirt.Here, open it up just one more button and the ladies will swoon even more."She reached out and slowly undid a button on his shirt.Her fingers gently brushed his chest and the energy that shot through his body was electrifying.He grabbed her hands and looked deep in her eyes.He could tell she was feeling something.The desire was raw in her eyes.She looked up at him as he slowly tilted her head up to his and lowered his face to within inches of hers.Suddenly she jerked her hands out of his and took a step back.

"We had better get going if we don't want to miss The Blade."She squeezed past him and got in the car.Lee stood there in the doorway stunned.Her tone had gone from one of pleasure to pure business.He shook off his hormones.Gosh, she was beautiful.There, he had said Gosh again.He had never said gosh before.She was rubbing more and more off onto him than he thought.Come to think of it there was not a part of his being that didn't have Mrs. Amanda King written all over it.He smiled, closed the door and got in the car.

That was a close one, Amanda thought.She had better keep her hormones in check.She had almost let herself slip.She was glad she had recovered quickly before she did something really stupid.She had seen the desire in Lee's eyes but that was only because of what she was wearing.She had never worn anything so daring before.Well, let him goggle for a change.She had done it for far too long.By the time Lee had gotten in the car her resolve was firmly back in place.

Lee sat in Billy's office.It was after midnight.Amanda was in another room being debriefed.Exhausted both physically and mentally he laid his head back on Billy's couch.He went over the events of the night grateful that everything turned out okay. Lee had given her the purse with the listening device cleverly disguised on the outside so she wouldn't have to wear a wire.Lee silently hoped she wouldn't have to go too far with this man to get the information they needed.She had the drug and was all set.Lee wished her good luck and had dropped Amanda off on the side of the street 4 blocks before the bar.They didn't want to be seen arriving together.Lee had parked and watched as Amanda had gone in.He followed 20 minutes later.They both had mingled and danced with a few people.Amanda did a great job playing her part, though the truth was not too far behind.She had sat at the bar and had a few drinks.She didn't really drink them she just needed to have it look like she was getting drunk.She told her sob story to the sympathetic bartender who only patted her hand and poured her another drink.Then some guy had come over and asked her to dance.She accepted and went out to the dance floor.Lee sat and observed her from a table in the corner surrounded by ladies, he used the term lightly.The man who called himself The Blade had sauntered in around 10:00.He went up to the bar and had a little chat with the bartender.The bartender pointed at Amanda and a wicked grin crept across The Blades face.Lee cringed.He knew what the man was thinking.Amanda had been dancing with another man when The Blade interrupted them and asked to dance with her.The other man apparently got the hint from the look The Blade gave him and quickly got out of their way.Amanda played along easily with the cover.The way the man groped her while they were dancing had made Lee so angry but he knew he couldn't afford to blow their cover.For the hundredth time he wished they had used Francine for this job.She was used to this and Amanda had never done it before.Amanda had been adamant, however and he would not do anything to jeopardize Amanda's safety.Besides, she was doing a bang up job.She really seemed to be enjoying herself.Who would suspect this sweet little lady of being a spy?No one unless he blew it for her, and he had to admit she was perfect for the job so he kept his anger in check and continued to play his part. He looked at the women that surrounded his table.He couldn't believe he had ever found women like this attractive before.His confirmed bachelor days were over.His heart just was not in it anymore, it was with the beautiful housewife from Arlington who was dancing across from him.He watched as The Blade whispered something in Amanda's ear and saw her smile drunkenly and follow him out of the bar.He excused himself a few moments later and saw them head around the corner.Lee had followed at a discreet distance and set up just around the corner from The Blades apartment.She had given The Blade the drug in his drink like she was supposed to and had played along with him.It had taken 20 minutes for the drug to take effect.By the time Lee was able to come in the room Amanda was just finishing doing up her pants and buttoning her blouse.How far had she had to go?He wouldn't know till he read the report if he was able to because she refused to tell him.They had questioned The Blade whose real name ended up being Dan Spidelli.In his drugged robotic voice he explained that he was working for this man named Vincent Rotherford.He had set up a chain of dealers that dealt primarily with the upper class kids.The drugs he was getting from this guy were ridiculously low and he had been ordered to offer them cheap.They had asked where to find Vincent and were told that he would be attending a ball for the Governor on Friday.That was when he was supposed to get his new supply of drugs.They had asked him about the KGB connection to Vincent but all he could tell them was that he had overheard someone talking about it one time when he was picking up a delivery.He didn't have any other information.He was just well paid for his services.At least they knew where the rumor had started.They were able to get the information they needed to lock him away, had called Billy and agents came and got him.Now they were back in the office.Lee had already been debriefed so he was waiting for Amanda so he could take her home.He just hoped she was all right.She had never done anything like this before.She didn't appear bothered by it when he had walked into the room but then that could just be this façade that she was putting up to protect herself.He knew Amanda was in there somewhere and knew in his heart he would be able to reach her.He would take in slow.He sighed and closed his eyes. 

Billy came into the office with Amanda on his heels.He knew Amanda and Lee were tired from a long day.He had ordered them to go home and get some rest.They had a long week ahead of them if they were going to find out any information on this Vincent Rotherford fellow.Amanda did not look as distant as she had earlier in the day but that was probably because she had been so exhausted.He prayed Lee would play his cards right and reach her soon.He missed the old Amanda.He missed her smile and optimism and her cheerful personality.He sighed and locked the door to his office and went home to bed.

Lee pulled up to Amanda's house.They sat in silence for a few moments.Amanda hesitated then put her hand on the door handle.Lee grabbed her other hand gently before she could get out.

"Amanda, I…"

"Please don't, Lee."She knew what he was going to say.She just couldn't deal with it right now."I know you care about me.No, nothing happened with Dan.Please don't complicate things.I accept your apology for your behavior 2 weeks ago so don't worry.I'll be fine."She squeezed his hand, reached over and gave him a quick peck on the cheek and left.

Lee just sat there, unable to say anything more.Alone in his car he said, "Goodnight, Amanda.I love you."His eyes began to water.He fought it back and put on a brave face.He would not push this.At least she had softened enough to give him a kiss.Tomorrow is another day.Who knows what will happen.He drove home and as he slept he dreamed of Amanda.


	4. Default Chapter Title

# No Pain No Gain

Story by Dyane Benson aka MovieGal (dyane@wisdommicro.com)

Disclaimer:The characters are not mine, they belong to Shoot the Moon Productions and Warner Brothers.I am only having a little fun with a story.No infringment intended.The story is mine so I need to know if you use it for anything.I just read another fanfic titled Until We Meet Again and I noticed that there are a few similarities with my story.No infringement was intended.

Time frame:Season Three during and after Over the Limit.I have changed what happened in the original episode ever so slightly.She has all the brains and instincts of a good agent, but what would it take to make her a "bad ass" one as well?This episode provided the needed material and soil to grow my story.Hope you enjoy.This is my first fanfic.Let me know if you liked it.

Rating:PG-13

Chapter 5

Tuesday proved to be pointless.All they could find out about Vincent was where he was staying.He was staying with a good friend of the Governors and so far they had been unable to get any information out of Dan.This Vincent guy was squeaky clean.Too clean, Lee thought.All they could find out was he was a stock broker in New York and single.Everything in his life was perfect.Every I dotted and ever T crossed.There was nothing to indicate any interest in the drug market.No friends of his linked him nor did anything he had been up to lately or in his past.It was getting more and more confusing.He appeared to be the perfect upstanding patriot.He had no bad habits, no debt, nothing.His family was even normal.No warning flags there either.Something was just not right.The alarm bells were ringing and there was no end to their tolling.They had to find the connection to the KGB.Why they would be interested in the drug trade was still a mystery.Something was just not right.His senses were telling him something big was going to go down and he felt a sense of urgency.When they had gone to see TP they came up with nothing.TP only knew the drug trafficking had increased over the past month and that those targeted seemed to be the upper class kids.Nothing they didn't already know.TP could tell them nothing about this Rotherford guy.He had promised to look further into it and let them know if they found anything out.Amanda had spent time in the gym again and on the range.He had joined her on those.She took a few other classes for her training and had left at 7:00.Lee closed the folder and went home.Maybe more tomorrow.

It was Wed. and Amanda reveled in the feeling exerting her body gave her.She was kickboxing with a spar partner right now and was encouraged to finally get some good jabs directed at her.Her partner had been a little uneasy with having to fight her but she had insisted.A few good kicks and hits at him had cured him real quick.She had refused to let Lee be her partner.Hitting him was the last thing she wanted to do to him.She had an appointment with Pfaff in an hour so she thanked the agent and went to jog around the track to cool down.Lee was over at the weights.He had been very patient with her over the past few days.She almost felt sorry for the way she was so curt at times but knew she had to do it.She knew whatever he was feeling was because of his pity for her.Well, she would have none of it.She made her way to the locker room and showered and got ready.Lee had not appeared to have gone out with Leslie since she got back from training.She knew it was because of the case they were working on. As soon as he had a night free he would be back in her arms again.Oh well, she had survived this long without his love she would survive.It just got harder every time she looked in his eyes.She could see he wanted to hold her and comfort her.She wanted to go to him and accept his embrace and have him tell her everything would be all right.She just couldn't do it.She needed more than pity.She needed Lee.Well, silly girl, you can't have him.Another nice girl has already stolen his heart.She had to admit she liked Leslie.She seemed to have a good head on her shoulder and she seemed like a nice person.She had liked her the moment she had met her at Lee's apartment.At least Lee would be taken care of, she thought.At least he wouldn't be lonely anymore.

Pfaff sensed a little more peace from Amanda when she came to see him.During the session he could not get her to talk about her family at all.He couldn't get her to talk much about anything except her training and the weather.She said everything was fine between she and Lee and that she was feeling better.She did not have the dead look in her eyes anymore.Instead there was a look of resoluteness.She seemed to have accepted her lot and was trudging on.Pfaff could not make her grieve, that would come in time.Whatever Lee was doing seemed to be making some progress.He would wait.They set an appointment up for Monday since the rest of the week they would be busy with their case.There did seem to be a little light at the end of this particular tunnel.He shook her hand and said goodbye.

Lee had asked Amanda if she would like to have dinner with him that night.Since they had some files to go over Amanda agreed.She showered and dressed in jeans and a blue sweater. She pulled her hair back in a pony tail not bothering to make it up nice.After all, what good would it do anyway?She knocked on Lee's door and looked into Lee's smiling face.He stood there with an expression on his face she never thought she would see.He looked stunned.Probably because she wasn't dressed up as most of the girls were who came to his apartment for dinner.

Lee opened the door when he heard the knock.The moment he saw her his breath caught in his throat.She was so beautiful.Everything about her seemed so vibrant and clear.He cleared his throat and said, "Welcome to my humble abode."

"Said the spider to the fly…"Amanda couldn't help but add that little bit.She enjoyed seeing the smile on his face.She brushed by him and sat on the couch in front of the coffee table.Lee had all the files spread out on it."Let's get to work."

"Not until you have tasted my feast.I went to a lot of trouble making this dinner.You haven't been eating a whole lot lately that I have noticed and I won't have it anymore.I want a live partner by the end of this week if you don't mind."Lee grinned a mischievous grin and led her to the table.

Amanda had not smelled the food when she came in.Maybe because the only thing she could smell was Lee's cologne.Stop that! She told herself.Concentrate on the work.Keep your focus.She suddenly realized she was starving.Her stomach chose that moment to give a loud grumble.

"I see something agrees with me."Lee grinned even more as he leaned over and placed a hand on her stomach."Uh huh.I see… Yes, I can fix that."

"Who are you talking to?"Amanda gave a little laugh and removed his hand.

"Your stomach, of course.It told me you were starving it and it would love some veal parmesan that I made for it.Right this way."He held out a chair for her."Wine madame?"He held out a bottle over his arm with a flourish and grinned down at her.

"Of course, kind sir, but only one glass.One must keep their wits about them in this place, I hear."

Lee struck a shocked and hurt pose.With exaggeration he said, "The lady does not trust me.Well, let me put your fears to rest.You only have to worry after midnight.Since it is only 8:00 I think you are perfectly safe."This elicited a smile from Amanda who seemed to relax a little and they enjoyed the meal in silence.

"That was nice.Now how about we hit those files.I have a curfew you know.My Fairy God Mother warned me to be home before midnight and that seems to be quite providential given your warning.Don't you think?"Amanda got up and headed to the couch.

Lee started to clear the table.Amanda noticed that, "Oh, here, let me help you with those."

"No, you sit.I invited you over.Besides, I am just going to throw these in the dishwasher.Relax, I have got it."

Amanda was silently grateful that she didn't have to stand next to him at the sink.She could think a lot more clearly with work on her mind.She picked up a folder and started reading.Something caught her attention."Who is Boris Resnicova?You have his name circled here."

"He was an insane KGB scientist.He was an expert in chemical warfare.He flipped out 5 years ago when his wife and son were killed in front of the US Embassy in Moscow.They were just walking by when there was an attempted assasination on a few US Diplomats.He blamed the US for their deaths and vowed revenge. His plans were to steal a missile, arm it with a chemical and explode it in DC, hoping to start an epidemic that would kill millions.Eric and I caught he and his partner 5 years ago.Since what he and his partner did was for themselves and not for "Mother Russia", when he was deported they arrested him and threw him in jail."I have been checking into his files but all the information we have says he died in that prison a year ago.Lee walked into the living room drying his hands.He sat down opposite Amanda on the floor.He picked up the folder and continued."This whole thing just reeks of his style but no one has seen him.He had a very memorable face too.When we caught them I shot Boris's partner and Eric got Boris in the face.He survived because the shot hit him sideways taking off most of his nose. The scars were horrendous.I saw pictures of him two years later.Believe me, if he is here someone would have spotted him and we would know.I just can't seem to shake this nagging feeling that he is involved in some way.I will find it.It will just take time.Are you ready for the ball on Friday?Billy managed to get us invitations.It is a black tie affair."He secretly hoped she would wear that black dress of hers but did not want to bring it up.He knew she suspected the dress he had bought for Leslie had been one similar to hers and he didn't want to reopen an old wound.What did it matter what she wore.She would look beautiful anyway.

"No, I am not ready.My problem is finding a dress that I can hide a gun under.I am going shopping tomorrow.Don't worry about me."

"I'm not.I'm sure you will look absolutely stunning in whatever you choose."

The evening went by quickly.Each sharing information they saw in each folder.That is what made them a great team.Amanda had a unique way of seeing things that Lee would otherwise overlook.By 11:45 they still had not too much to go on and Lee could tell Amanda was tired.Amanda looked at her watch.

"Oops, I better make clean my getaway.The hour draws nigh that my virtue would be at peril.I really don't want you to see me as a pumpkin either."Amanda rose and stretched her back.Lee got up and joined her at the door.She grabbed her purse from the end table and grabbed the door handle."Thank you for dinner.It was wonderful.Thank you for behaving like such a gentleman, too."Amanda leaned over and place a small kiss on his cheek.Lee took her hand and held it gently.He looked into her eyes and saw a look of panic flicker across them.Slowly, Stetson, he told himself.He brought her hand to his mouth and gave it a soft kiss.

"My pleasure.You are welcome anytime."Amanda took her hand away from Lee's and actually blushed.He was getting through.She cleared her throat and said she had to go.Lee walked her to her car and helped her in.Lee couldn't resist the sudden impulse that came over him at that moment.

Before Lee shut the door Amanda heard a very distinct growl.She smiled.She appreciated his gesture.The little game was now complete.Cinderella had to go home now safe from the Big Bad Wolf.With a sigh she headed home.After all it was only just a game.Time to get back to reality.The sinking feeling was back again.She shoved it down and drove on.

After a grueling morning in the office and on the street trying to find answers to their questions Amanda suddenly realized she still had to get a dress for the ball tomorrow.TP had given them a little more information on Rotherford.He was involved with a lot of boys clubs especially the upper class ones.At least that explained his connection to the boys who were getting the drugs.

It was getting late.I was 6:00 and she knew if she didn't get out of here soon she would have to go through the evening rush in the dress shops.She told Lee she had to go, declined his offer to go with her, saying she could manage herself and got up and left.The first store she went to didn't really have anything that struck her interest.It wasn't till the fourth store that she found it.It was a beautiful red silk gown with a low back and deep front decorated with beads and with spaghetti straps.The material clung to every curve of her figure and was long and sleek.It was a full length gown but the best part was the slit.It went all the way up to the top of her thigh.She suddenly realized where she could hide her gun.Funny, the thought of her carrying a gun was laughable just 4 weeks ago.Her in a dress like this was laughable too.Well, it wasn't laughable now.She had proven she could take care of herself.After all she was all she had right now.You have to start somewhere.She paid for the dress and some accessories and high heeled red shoes and headed out the door.She had walked only a few feet when she ran into someone she hoped she would never see again.Leslie stood before her apologizing when she suddenly realized who she had stumbled into as well.They both looked uncomfortable and both had a lopsided grin on their faces.Neither spoke for a moment then both did at the same time.

"How are you…"

"How is Lee…"Leslie cleared her throat.They both apologized at the same time, laughed and Amanda insisted Leslie go first."I was just wondering how Lee was doing."Leslie managed to say.

"Oh, I am sorry to have taken him away from you.This case has been tough.We hope to wrap things up in a few days, if all goes well then you can have him all to yourself again."Amanda looked away as she said this last part.She missed the look of surprise in Leslie's eyes and face. She didn't miss it in her voice that came next.

"You really don't know do you?"Leslie asked her.

"Know what?"

"I am not seeing Lee anymore.He was nothing more than someone to fill my void of denial.I was running from a relationship too.I had almost convinced myself that I cared about him and that he cared about me until 3 weeks ago.It was never me he was in love with.It was someone else.I was just a substitute for this very special lady.I guess knowing that this woman is special made it easier on me.I should have seen the signs earlier on with the way he always talked about her and the look on his face when he did.I guess I just didn't want to see.It would have saved me a tiny heart ache but I realize now it was for the best."Leslie looked at the woman standing before her and could tell she was in shock.She had noticed the shocked lost look in her eyes when she saw her.She liked this woman.Something about her the first time she met her connected to her.She seemed kind and gentle and normal.She realized that this woman had no idea the love that one man had for her.

"Who…" Amanda managed to say quietly through her shock.

Leslie gently lifted Amanda's face up to meet hers."You know who." She said gently.

"It can't be true.It just can't be true."Tears were beginning to come.Amanda had to stop this.She couldn't take this.Not now.Not now that she had learned to survive.She pushed those feelings down.She would not break apart now."It was nice to see you again, Leslie.I must go now."Amanda all but ran to her car.

Leslie watched the fleeing woman with a sad heart.She sent a silent prayer for her.She saw Amanda had a strength.She must have to have lasted this long in that relationship.Somehow she felt that everything would be okay.She sighed and went to the restaurant to meet Dave.

Amanda kept the tears at bay until she reached home.She vainly pushed them away willing them not to come.What right did she have to cry for Lee when she couldn't even cry for her family?She couldn't deal with this now.She rushed upstairs and changed into some clothes she could work out in and ran to the basement.She had had a punching bag installed Monday.Every night that week she had stayed up kicking and punching that bag until she was too tired to think straight.Then she could sleep.Sleep and not dream.She was angry.Angry at Lee for doing this to her.Angry for the weakness she felt right now.The harder she hit the better she felt.She had to hit harder.She had to forget.

Chapter 6

Friday dawned bright and sunny.Amanda's mood, however, was far from bright and sunny.After a few hours of rigorous hitting and kicking she had been so exhausted she had finally went to sleep. She had woken up still tired but determined to maintain her wall.She had to.She wasn't strong enough to deal with Lee.She would dive into the case to forget.Amanda walked into the Agency at 8 on the nose.She knew there was a lot to do to get ready for tonight.They had been unsuccessful all week in locating this Vincent guy.He had not shown his face outside the house he was supposedly staying at and Amanda was getting more and more frustrated.They had no idea who he was or where he came from.They had no prints on file and in fact, no file at all.Lee was right.This stank to high heaven.At least his name was on the list of guests and they had the description from Dan.He had to be there tonight.Amanda jerked slightly when she heard the elevator doors open.She knew who was behind them.Sure enough, out stepped Lee.He looked great today in his suit and tie.He always looked great in a suit.His tie was a little crooked.Maybe she should go and straighten it for him.No, she had to resist the urge.

"Morning, partner.Did you get any sleep last night?"Lee tried to sound cheerful.It was hard because Amanda didn't look like she got much sleep at all.The progress that he felt they had been making all week seemed gone.She would not look him in the eyes and when she did talk it was with a professional business tone not the softer one she had adopted for the past few days.

"I still don't have anything on Vincent.He is slippery than and eel and too squeaky clean.I'm going to go down and see TP.See if he has any other leads."She avoided his eyes like she avoided his question.

Lee just smoothly went on.Patience was the key."I'll go with you.I could use a break.I have been working too long this morning."Lee hoped his little joke would put a smile on her face.Instead she glared at him and thrust a pile of folders at him."I can handle it myself.Besides, Billy wants to talk to you about these folders."She grabbed her coat and headed towards the elevator.

Lee watched her retreating form with a sad heart.Three weeks ago he would not have let her go to TP's alone but he knew she would be all right.Pushing the issue did not seem like a good idea so he did not follow.Lee sighed and walked to Billy's office.He stuck his head in."You wanted to see me, Billy?"

"Yes, yes have a seat.How are you doing?"Billy looked at Lee and smiled.He did look better than earlier this week.He couldn't help but notice the look of confusion that crossed his face.

"I don't know.I thought things were getting better with Amanda.She came over to my apartment on Wed. and I made her dinner before we hit the files.We even joked around and she even laughed a little.Yesterday she was all business but not hard.We had a lot of leg and paper work to do so we didn't really see each other very much.But just now I got an extremely cold shoulder.It's like she is pushing me away all over again."Patience.Patience, he told himself.

Billy echoed his thoughts."Patience, Scarecrow.She'll come around.What about tonight?Do you have your game plan ready?" 

Billy's office door was opened and in stepped Francine."Morning, Lee, Billy.You two look well rested.What's on the agenda for today?"

"We were just getting to that.Have a seat.Lee was just about to go over his game plan for tonight."Francine sat and fluffed her hair and straightened her designer suit jacket.Billy sighed.Some people never changed.Lee's voice interrupted his thoughts. 

"All we have to go on is the fact that Dan says this guy, Vincent, is the source and he is going to be a this ball tonight.So far all we have on a possible KGB connection is a rumor.We have tried all week to find him and dig something up on him but have come up with squat.I have a hunch that it will break tonight but I have nothing else.I know you can't pull extra agency help for a hunch so I guess it will just be Amanda and I there.I don't know what else to tell you."Lee ran his fingers through his hair in exasperation.Tonight was the night, he just felt it in his bones.

"You know I have great faith in your "hunches".If you say that you feel something is going to go down tonight then that is good enough for me.I can't get anyone else in the ball as much as Francine would love it so you and Amanda will be by yourself but I can have an extra team with backup just outside in case.They can monitor you through this little listening device."Billy handed Lee a cuff link.

"Silver, Billy?You know I am partial to gold."They both shared a laugh they both needed.

Eight hours later Lee stuck his head in Billy's office again."Hey Billy.Have you seen Amanda?She has been avoiding me all day.I am starting to get worried."

"She just left 15 minutes ago.She told me to tell you she would be ready at 7:00 and for you not to be late.You had better get home and get ready yourself.Git, git."Billy shooed Lee out of his office and did not listen to the questions he knew were coming.He didn't let Lee ask them.He wouldn't know what to say if he did. 

With a sigh, Lee walked to the elevators.At least one good thing was going to happen.He would be able to see Amanda tonight and she couldn't run from him this time.

Three hours later Lee was in his car headed for Amanda's house.He hung up his phone and looked at his watch.It was 6:55, damn, where was she?Why was she not answering the phone?Panic was creeping up on him so he pushed harder on the accelerator.Two minutes later he pulled onto Amanda's street.He parked a few houses down and observed the house.All the lights were off.Something was not right.Her front porch light should have at least been on.He crept to the house and went to the back.With a sigh of relief he noticed the light in Amanda's room on.He also saw her silhouette outlined in the drawn curtains.She didn't appear to be in trouble, in fact her stance was one of deep thought.He opened the back door and called out her name.She did not answer.He made his way into the kitchen.That's when he noticed all the boxes.The kitchen was all neatly boxed away and labeled "Charity".The living room was in a similar state.All the pictures of her family had been taken down.There was not anything to indicate that a family of two boys had ever lived here.Why was she giving her stuff away?He guessed it was because of the memories everything would bring up.He couldn't let her do this.His heart reached out to her.He called her name again a little louder this time.Again, no answer.He made his way upstairs and softly knocked on her door."Amanda, are you in there?"

Amanda was jolted out of her reverie by a soft knock and his voice.She had been lost in thought about him all day and nothing she did helped to get him out.Not the shooting, not the exercising and not the pain.So, he did care about her, so what.The thing was she felt like it was too late.She couldn't feel anything about her family so why should she feel anything for Lee?She had been successful in pushing him down in her mind to a little corner and hearing his voice made it surface again.With a great deal of will power she pushed it back into the far corners of her heart and managed to say, "I'll be right down.I will meet you in the car."

"Okay, I'll be downstairs waiting."Lee was glad she was all right.He quietly made his way down to the car.5 minutes later she appeared at the door, closed it behind her and headed to the car.Lee couldn't see what she was wearing because of her coat but she looked lovely with her hair piled on top of her head and a beautiful red gemmed flower in the side.There was a hardness to her features that belied the beauty of her face.Something had definitely changed."You look beautiful," Lee said simply with all the sincerity in his heart.She replied with a curt, "Thank you." He opened the door for her. Lee had no desire to push the subject.If she wanted to talk she would do it.He would not push her.He silently sent her all the love his being possessed and gave her all the emotional energy he could.He knew she needed him but emotionally was the only way right now.Nice and slow.He could be here for her no matter how long it took.He had found his soul mate and he would help her to remember too.He knew it was in there somewhere, the love he knew she had for him.He could be patient.He wasn't going anywhere except with her ever again.Funny how her loss made him not afraid to feel the love he had for her and had denied for so long.He was glad he had realized it before he knew of her loss.This was a complete roll reversal.Normally she was the one there for him. He sighed.His emotions were clear to him.It was making them clear to her that was the scary thought.How was he going to do that?Time would tell.

The drive to the mansion was one of silence but Lee did observe that Amanda had relaxed a little.She was no longer sitting so stiffly.He got out and opened the door for Amanda.He offered her his arm.

"I really think we should change the plan.I think it would be better if we didn't show up together.We'll get more information that way.Besides there are a lot of women's hearts just waiting to be broken by the dashing Scarecrow."The coldness and bluntness of Amanda's words cut.He would not rise to the taunt, however. Instead he gave a little bow and took her gloved hand, and gently kissed it.

"As the lady wishes, so shall I do."Amanda's breath caught in her throat.She expected an argument, after all that is what they always did when she changed things around.Damn his gentleness, and damn him.He was making this so hard.She took her hand from his and walked towards the mansion.

"Follow me in 10 minutes."With that she was gone.Lee smiled.He knew she was trying to shut him out but he also knew his patience and being kind was wearing down her defenses.He watched her lithe little figure go up the stairs and enter the building.Back to business.He still had a funny feeling something was going to happen tonight.He looked around and spotted the agency's van.He tapped his bug and checked in with them.

The man who knew himself to be Boris Resnicova stood in a corner of the ball room sheathed in shadows quietly sipping a glass of champagne.With scorn he watched the high and elite of DC Society mingle.Ever since his supposed "death" and escape from a Russian prisona year ago he had plotted his revenge.Five years ago he had tried to rid the world of this filth, who thought themselves so high and mighty.He would show them.He would show them all.Little did they know what their kids were doing and what would happen in a matter of days.He was just happy that this time he would get to see their grief torn faces.He would have succeeded the first time if it hadn't been for those agents.He didn't know their names but he knew their faces.He fingered his face.Yes, these people would pay for what they did to me and my family.He just had to wait a little longer.A cold, cruel smile slowly spread across his face but there was no mirth in the insane filled eyes.

Lee stepped through the doors and entered the ballroom.A lovely waltz was playing , one he remembered dancing with Amanda once at an Embassy Ball.He scanned the room looking for her.A red dress caught his eye.The figure was familiar.He had found Amanda but he suddenly felt his knees go weak.She was the most gorgeous creature he had ever seen.The dress clung to every curve of her figure and the way it showed off her back made his breath catch in his throat.She was not behaving like the shy woman she usually was at affairs like this.In fact she had an air of confidence around her.It made her already beautiful body even more so.How had he ever denied how sexy she was.He missed the shy demure Amanda but the way she was holding herself now showed off the beauty of her body even more.The long red silk gloves covered her bruises on her arm and accentuated her lovely arms.He stuck his finger in his collar and loosened it a bit.Then she turned.He suddenly noticed the slit that went up, up, up her thigh.He had a tantalizing view of her left leg. He couldn't take his eyes off her and noticed from the men gathered around her, neither could they.He suppressed his jealousy with some difficulty.They were here on a job.The thoughts that went through his mind at that moment were definitely not conducive to working.He cleared his throat and his mind and set to scanning the room for the man known as Vincent Rotherford. 

Just as Boris was about to step out of his little corner he spotted a man coming through the door.A surge of red hot anger filled him.There stood one of the men responsible for his failure last time.He was the reason he once again had to come and mingle with this filth.He noticed the man's eyes on a particular woman.He followed the mans gaze to a lovely lady in a red dress.He cringed as he realized he had just thought of this woman as lovely.She was just one of the filth.Why was this man here now?Did he know of his plans?Who was this woman he stared at with such obvious love and adoration?He decided to stay in his corner and observe this man and this woman, he was not going to be thwarted this time.All the plans were in place and all the drugs ready.Everything would begin on Monday.He was not going to be stopped this time.

Amanda felt a rush of adrenaline course through her veins.She knew she looked incredible.More than that even.The men that came up to her and talk to her and ask to dance with her spoke volumes. She had never really considered herself to be breathtaking, pretty but not breathtaking.She felt incredible in this dress. She had never worn something as glamorous and sexy as this and she felt an alien sense of power.She noticed Lee talking to some women off to the side but she didn't care.She felt so alive.Granted it was a rush she knew would end but she had never had one like this before and it felt incredible.She had not seen a man that fell under the description of Vincent Rotherford but she did not stop looking.Her mind seemed so clear.She felt like she could do anything.She was able to make chit chat with the men she talked and danced with and at the same time scan the room for her prey.She politely excused herself from the man she was dancing with claiming she needed to take a break and headed towards the punch bowl.Someone tapped her on the shoulder and she turned around.She almost choked on the punch in her mouth when she looked the man standing before her in the face.She quickly gathered her senses and put on a gracious smile.Here stood before her Vincent Rotherford.

"A lady as lovely as yourself did not possibly come alone did she?"His voice was smooth and refined.A shiver went up her spine as she detected a note of coldness.

"Guilty as charged."He took her hand and gave it a kiss.She controlled the shiver that threatened to run up her spine again at his touch.His voice held a slight accent.She could not place it.It was as if he had worked hard to not have an accent. 

"I hope to be able to remedy that situation.My name is Vincent Rotherford, and you are?"

"Ms. Melinda Kingston."

" I am told I do a mean Rumba.I have been watching you all night and from what I saw earlier you do to.Would you care to dance?"There was something about the way that he said those words that made her blood run cold.She knew he was trying to be dashing and debonair but she couldn't shake the feeling that he knew why she was there.She couldn't refuse.Here stood the whole reason she was here.Showtime, Amanda, she thought. 

"I would be delighted."Amanda hoped her true feelings were not showing on her face.He swept her out onto the dance floor and they moved in time to the music.For three songs they went on that way.Breathless she asked if they could take a break.

"Of course.There is a lovely view of the gardens out on the patio.They are lit up beautifully tonight.Would you like to go and see?"Amanda had no choice.

"Lead the way, kind sir.I am a little thirsty after all that dancing.Would you mind getting us some champagne?"She smiled a very real tired smile and sighed happily when he grabbed two glassed from a passing tray.She followed him out the patio doors.

Lee had been watching Amanda off and on all night.He didn't fail to notice the man who walked up to her at the punch bowl.Vincent Rotherford.Well, the ball was rolling now and it was in Amanda's court for the present.All she had to do was slip him the drug in his drink and Lee would take it from there.He had watched as they had danced, wishing it were him holding her in his arms.He watched as Vincent led Amanda out onto the patio.He slowly made his way to a spot near the doors where he could observe what was going on.He told the back up team to be ready.Now all he had to do was wait.

Amanda was tired of all the little chatter.She had slipped the drug in his drink but so far he had not taken one sip.All he could do was talk about the weather, how beautiful she was and political problems with the Governors current campaign.They were alone out on the patio and it was getting a bit chilly. "What do you do, Mr. Rotherford."Amanda interrupted one of his spiels about the Governor, hoping to change the subject and get this moving.

"Oh, I do work with the Stock Market.That's how I know the Governor.His friend and I go way back.I am just in Washington D.C. for a few more days.I leave for New York on Monday.I sure am delighted I didn't leave tonight like I had planned because I would have missed meeting one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen."

Amanda forced a blush and a demure look.She definitely did not believe he meant a word he said. "Why, thank you.I am glad you didn't either, because I would have missed meeting such a charming gentleman such as yourself."Amanda hoped her insincerity would not be heard in her voice or seen on her face.Why wouldn't he take a drink?She glanced over her shoulder and noticed Lee standing nearby with a look of impatience on his face.His beautiful face.Vincent once again took her hand as if to give it a kiss and without warning he had her pulled tightly to him and a knife was placed against her throat.

"Who are you and what do you know?"Vincent breathed quietly in her ear.The blade was sharp and was cutting into her throat.His accent dropped.It held a distinct Russian tone. 

"I don't know what you mean?I'm just here to enjoy the ball."

"Don't lie to me.I don't like it when people lie to me.I saw the way you were looking at that other man.You don't look at someone like that and dance with someone else.Especially when he looks back at you the same way.And you don't slip drugs into peoples drinks if you are just here to "enjoy the ball".I will ask one more time. Who are you and why are you here?"

"Let her go, Vincent."The steely cold voice of Lee Stetson rang out of the shadows.He had his gun drawn and was advancing slowly out of sight of the other guests.

"Hello, again."

"I'm sorry, have we met before?"Lee was confused.He had never seen this man before in his life but he would play along to give more time.He had to try and distract this man from the knife at Amanda's throat.He looked at her face.She was not terrified.There was a cold assertiveness in her eyes.She looked ready to face what was coming.

"You don't recognize me?I am hurt.Let's see if this jogs your memory.5 years ago you shot my partner.5 years ago you sent me to hell."

"Boris Resnicova?"How can that be?This man did not look anything like Boris.His face was perfectly flawless.His voice did seem oddly familiar.He had to get that knife away from Amanda.

"You seem surprised.Let me explain.I was able to escape from prison and make it look like I had died.You would be surprised at the skill of the plastic surgeons these days.If you have enough money."

"Let the woman go, she has nothing to do with this."Lee could see a trickle of blood go down Amanda's throat.She didn't even flinch.Instead she looked alive and alert, almost full of pleasure.Please let her go, he thought.

"Oh, she doesn't does she?I beg to differ.I am no fool.You have not been able to take your eyes off her all night.The way you have been looking at her has not been one of a lust filled man seeing a beautiful woman at a ball.She is a beauty, though, isn't she.No, the looks you have been giving her say you care deeply for this woman.I don't know how you figured out what I am going to do but I don't think you will do anything to harm this delicate little flower here.Put your gun down and I will let her go."

Lee slowly put his gun down.Boris was right.He couldn't let anything happen to Amanda.He didn't even dare call his bluff.

"What a weak fool you are.Did you really think I would let her go?"Boris spat.

With a movement so smooth Amanda lifted up her leg, grabbed her gun from between her legs and twisted the arm of Boris and had him on his face with her knee on his neck and her gun pointed at his face before Lee could even react.The adrenalin that was coursing through her veins was pure ecstasy.

As soon as he go over the shock of what Amanda had just done single handedly, Lee was at her side with a pair of handcuffs on Boris.He laid a gentle had on Amanda who showed no sign of getting up off of him.She looked up at him, surprise and disappointment and fear all flickered across her face."It's over, Amanda.You got him.Come on, let me help you up."Lee called for the back up and took Amanda by the hand.The agents appeared and dragged a hysterical man screaming, "I'll get you all, you just wait and see. You haven't seen the last of me!I'll watch as you all suffer as I did!"The others at the ball were surprised by the outburst but went back to what they were doing in a few moments.As soon as the other agents had taken Boris away Lee moved aside and took a trembling Amanda in his arms.She had a look of shock on her face.

A hoarse whisper came from her trembling mouth."Oh, my Gosh!I almost killed him.Some part of me wanted to but a bigger part knew I couldn't.I wasn't afraid, only angry.Oh, my Gosh!I almost killed a man!"The anguish in her voice tugged at Lee's heart and soul.He gently took her in his arms and sent her all the love and support he could.Her body suddenly was racked by painful sobs. 

The shock of what she almost did was enough to burst the dam that she had been holding in.Emotions that her subconscious had suppressed suddenly all surfaced.The fact that she had been willing to take a life brought the stark truth of the lives that had been taken from her.The reality of her loss was staring her right in the face along with all it's glorious pain. "They're gone, Lee, my babies are gone.My babies are gone!"

Lee lifted her tiny frame in his arms and found a couch on the patio and held her in his arms.They sat like that for 15 minutes, Lee holding her, stroking her head and quietly making hushing noises to comfort her and let her know he cared.He knew the dam had broken and she was finally grieving the loss of her family.It would take time but he knew she would be all right.He was here for her and he was never going to leave her.

"I'm here, Amanda.I am here."Her sobbing subsided and she allowed herself to be rocked by Lee's strong arms.She felt so safe and whole in them.Though there was an emptiness in her heart for the loss of her family at least she felt pain for them too.The love she had for Lee and the love she felt from him was slowly starting to fill that void.It would take time but for now she reveled at the emotion she was finally able to feel. She looked up into a face that held a deep love in his eyes.A love she had never seen before. "Take me home, Lee, please?"

Lee gently stroked her face and wiped the tears away.He placed a kiss on her forehead."Of course."He lifted her as he stood up.He gently set her down and placed his arm around her waist and led her to the doors.They got her coat from the coat check and that was when they heard the shots.They ran out the doors of the mansion and down the street to the surveillance van.One agent was holding his bleeding shoulder and the other one had his gun pointed at the fallen figure of Boris Resnicova.Boris had the hand cuffs on only one wrist and a gun in the other hand.He wasn't moving.The standing agent bent down and checked Boris's pulse."He is dead."

Lee and Amanda both let out a breath neither one knew they were holding.Billy and Francine came running up at that moment from down the street.

"What happened, Jensen?"Billy directed his question at the standing agent.

"Sir, we were waiting for you to come and get him and the man must have picked his lock on the cuffs because before we knew it he had Larsen's gun and shot him.I was able to get a shot off and it looks like it killed him, Sir."Jensen seemed a little shocked but was under control.He was a good agent.

"Good work, Jensen.Lee, Amanda, good work you two."He could see the red eyes of Amanda and knew she had been crying.They were no longer dead looking but had a hope shining in them now.Billy's heart felt like singing for joy.Amanda was going to be okay."Why don't you two go on home.I'll get your statements later."

"Thanks Billy."Lee gave a look at his friend that he knew would be understood.It told him things were going to be okay.Lee led Amanda to his car and helped her in.He held her hand all the way home.She gripped it fiercely as if afraid he would leave.It felt good to have her hand in his.Good and so right.He pulled up to Amanda's house and helped her out of the car.He took her in the back way to the kitchen.She handed him her key, waited while he opened the door and led him inside. 

Chapter 7 

Lee helped Amanda remove her coat and placed it over a chair.Lee noticed the dried blood on Amanda's throat and gently touched it.He went to the sink and wet a towel."Here, let me clean that up for you."The cut was not deep at all.There was only a small line, thank goodness."Doesn't look like you will need a bandage after all.A little kiss is all it needs."Lee placed a gentle kiss on her throat.He heard her quick intake of breath.He stood back and drank in the picture of her.She looked so lovely in that gown.Even better than she did in the black one if that were possible.Maybe it was a toss up.He gazed down at her slit in her dress."You tore your beautiful gown."He placed his fingers on the rip.

His kiss had set fire to her body and now his touch was more than she could bear.She placed her hand over his on her leg.They locked eyes.

The hunger and desire was evident in her eyes.It matched his own.Never had he wanted someone more that her.He would have to be careful because he was not about to take their relationship to the level they both wanted to at this moment without further discussion in a sane frame of mind.His hand moved up her leg and embraced her around the back.He pulled her to him and slowly lowered his head.The temptation to kiss her was so overwhelming.Every part of his being screamed out for her.He couldn't believe this was happening.He never knew he could feel this way with any woman.

Amanda's body was alive.More alive than she could ever remember being.Every part of her ached to feel him.She couldn't believe this was finally happening.She had dreamed of this for so long and now that it was happening she couldn't believe it.It had always been a fantasy.Maybe it was just a dream but she was going to enjoy it.She felt so alive!Her body shuddered to feel his lips on hers.

He looked down into the face of this wonderful woman wanting with all his heart to convey the love he felt for her and not just physically.He looked deep in her eyes and saw mingled with the love there was a pain that was still very fresh.He realized that he would have to be very gentle and slow with this newfound relationship.They needed time to explore and she needed time to heal.He would be there for her every step of the way.With incredible strength in controlling the desires that coursed through him, he placed a soft, lingering kiss on her forehead and gently pulled her to him and embraced her with his body, mind and soul.

Amanda was so grateful for the gesture.Though her body screamed out for his kiss and his touch her mind was reeling.The wise woman inside knew that pushing the relationship to the next level when it had just reached this one would be a mistake.She could hear that little part in her brain now that had been telling her to take it slow.She would enjoy it though.The love that she felt from his embrace made her feel safe again.It made her feel again.She reveled in this emotion, and for once had a glimmer of hope for the future.Her future with Lee.She didn't know where this road was going but wasn't as afraid as she thought she might be.She was confused, happy and sad all at the same time.They could talk later, right now all she wanted was to feel his strong arms around her comforting her.He had always made her feel safe.

"Amanda, I want…" Lee began to say.

Suddenly the front door burst open and frantic familiar voices called out "Amanda?Amanda?!!!Mom?!!Mom, we're home!!!"

Dotty and the boys burst into the kitchen.Lee had pulled away from Amanda just prior to their entry.The look of shock and pure joy was evident on the face of Amanda.She took one look at them, let out a sob and sank to her knees, overcome with emotion too strong for her body to take.Phillip and Jamie reached her together and fell to the ground hugging her.Dotty joined them and they all hugged and cried and kissed each other.They helped Amanda stand and led her into the den.Lee stood back, not wanting to intrude upon this glorious miracle and family reunion.Tears were streaming silently down his cheeks too.Everything was going to be okay.It was going to be more than okay.

They sat huddled together on the couch for an eternity drinking in the happiness that they all felt at being together again."How?When?What?"Amanda's confused but elated voice managed to utter.

"We were on this ship and there was this storm…"Phillip started.

"Then our boat got hit by lightning and started to sink…"Jamie interjected.They were both so excited they were talking a mile a minute.

"Hold on there boys, slow down, slow down.I can't hear both of you at the same time!"Amanda's laugh felt good to Lee's ears."Mother, could you explain what happened?"The boys looked up at their grandmother, who had tears just streaming down her face.

"Oh, I was so worried about you, my little girl.I knew how you must have felt thinking you had lost us.Come here and let me give you a hug first."Dotty held out her arms which Amanda gratefully went into.The boys could tell they needed to be silent.Mother and daughter held each other and cried tears of joy.After a while they parted and Dotty took Amanda's hand and led her to the couch.She sat still holding Amanda's hand and began her narration.

"It's like the boys said.We were sailing and a storm came up out of nowhere.When the lightning hit the boat we were luckily on the other side.The lightning struck the lifeboat as well, but it was a good thing I had insisted Hunter bring and extra inflatable one along.You know you never can be too safe.Anyway, we were able to get safely into the life raft before the yacht sank.Hunter had even managed to get a few supplies on the raft as well, you know, water, food and a compass.Thank heavens the storm was almost over by this time.We were adrift for a day.Well, to make a long story short we ended up on a sparsely populated island with no phone, electricity or useable boats to get us to the mainland.Everything they had was destroyed during the storm.We had to stick it out till the electricity was able to be fixed but our salvation came another way.Hunter's nephew, who was going to fly you down, well, he never gave up hope.He kept flying around the ocean and going from island to island.He found us this morning.Someone tried to get in touch with you but they said no one was answering."That was when Dotty noticed the gown her daughter was wearing and suddenly realized Lee was standing off to the side."Hello."Dotty guessed he was the reason for her daughter's gown especially since he was wearing a tux."I see now why we weren't able to get through.Did you have a nice evening?"Dotty was glad that at least Amanda wasn't shut up in a little room depressed beyond reach.She guessed the reason Amanda wasn't was because of this man standing before her now.This was probably the man responsible for all those strange calls, and nights gone all night.She smiled.Her daughter had chosen a good looking one at that and the look on his face showed he seemed to care about her.The fear she had had for her daughter seemed to dissipate.She would be okay.

Amanda had been smiling during the story.She missed her mother's ramblings.She looked over at Lee.He was smiling and seemed very happy."Mother, I would like you to meet a very special friend and my boss, Mr. Lee Stetson."

Lee, too, smiled at the ramblings of Dotty West.He definitely saw where Amanda had gotten her habit of rambling from. "Hello, Mrs. West.It is nice to meet you."Lee gently laid a hand on Amanda's shoulder and gave it a little squeeze.He caught Amanda's eyes with his, "I am going to go home now.I'll tell Billy you won't be in for a while.Take the time and spend it with your family.I will finish up tonight.Thank you for a wonderful evening.You know where to reach me if you need me."

Amanda appreciated his words.She squeezed his hand back and with all the gratitude of her being said, "Thank you, for being there for me."

Lee leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and slipped out the back door.With a heart that was full of peace, love and joy he made his way home.

Chapter 8

Monday, a week later…

Lee was in Billy's office sitting on his couch."We were able to trace all the information found in Boris's room to the drugs.It seems this new shipment of drugs was laced with a virus that is similar to Leprosy hoping to be able to maim and eventually kill those who took it.He seemed to have targeted the upper class kids in hopes of getting their parents.Most seemed to be sons of US Diplomats.Lucky thing he was completely insane or else he would have noticed we had his source.They found the body of the real Vincent Rotherford stuffed into a box in his apartment.The plastic surgery was incredible.It seems Boris had been doing his research on the work Vincent did with the youth and found a way to destroy the lives of people he felt had wronged him.He was completely insane.It is really sad.The Governors friend never suspected anything because he said Boris had kept pretty much to himself busy with all the "Youth" stuff."

"You and Amanda did a great job on this case," Billy said.

"Yes, it seems our little housewife is no ninny after all.I hate to admit it but I think she may even become better than me."Francine let out a laugh that Lee and Billy joined in on.Francine could not believe she had just said that.Damage control time.With her fiercest face she said, "You had better not tell anyone I just said that or heads really will roll!"

"By the way, how is she?"Billy was curious how things were going with her as he watched a very calm and happy Scarecrow sitting in front of him.Lee had gotten Amanda's statement last Saturday.He had not heard from Amanda but Lee had told him what had happened with her family and he had given her the time off.He could not have been more happy.His soul sang for joy for Amanda.Somehow things had worked out all right.

"She called me last night and told me she would be coming in to work today.She seems to be almost back to her own self.She didn't say much but I heard it in her voice.Things like this just make you believe in miracles."Lee felt a complete and total calmness.When he had spoken to her last night her voice had told him all he needed to hear.They were going to have a lot of fun exploring this new relationship of theirs.He couldn't wait to get started.

A knock at the door turned all their heads.A very beautiful head of softly curling brown hair poked in.

"Good morning sir, Francine, Lee.May I come in?"Amanda blushed at the last name but looked him in the eyes.

"Of course, of course.Good morning to you."Billy walked over and gave Amanda a hug."I heard about your joyous news.I am so happy for you.Are you ready to get back into the old grind of working again?Scarecrow here has seemed a little lost without you.We still need your statement about last weeks case, you know.Lee's seems to have a few holes you need to clear up."

"Yes, sir.I am.Thank you for letting me have the past week off.Things finally seem to be getting back to normal around my house.I am sorry I am a little late this morning.I ran over one of the boys bikes in the driveway as I was leaving.It seems their experience hasn't helped with their remembering to put their bikes away.All my agency training hasn't seemed to help me to remember to look before I back up either.I guess I will just have to learn to check behind me from now on."All that was said in one breath.Her little ramble and story brought smiles to all in the office.It was good to have the old Amanda back.Maybe not the old one.Lee didn't think she would ever be the same again.She was better.Now she could not only confuse the bad guys to death but she could throw in a mean punch and a flip to boot.

"Well, if that is all you may all go.Amanda, Lee has the specifics for the next case you will be working on. You can help him out between your Agent classes.It's nice to have you back."Billy gave her arm a squeeze.

Amanda smiled."Thank you, sir.It is nice to be back."

"Welcome back, Amanda."Francine smiled gently at Amanda as she walked to the door.She took Amanda's hand and gave it a little squeeze."I hear you do a pretty nasty flip.You will have to show me sometime up at the gym."

Amanda appreciated the gesture from Francine.She knew how hard it was for her to be civil to her.Something told her that she and Francine would become great friends and work associates.She smiled at Francine and squeezed her hand back."Thank you, Francine.Coming from you that means a lot.I'd be more than happy to show you.I have been needing a female to try it on."

Lee and Billy laughed at the look on Francine's face.Amanda smiled and gave Francine a wink.Francine recovered with her usual grace and slyly winked back.

"Amanda, I'll meet you in my office in a few minutes."Lee, too gave her hand a gentle squeeze.Amanda smiled at him and closed the door.Lee turned to Billy."Thank you for all your support, Billy.You are a true friend."

"And thank you, Lee, for what you did for Amanda.You two are the best team I have got and now you're going to be even better.I expect good things to come from you two."

"So do I."

They both laughed and Lee left.He made his way up to his office.He took a deep breath and opened the door.Amanda stood there with a shy grin on her face and her hand behind her back.Lee smiled as he noticed she was wearing her shoulder harness with her gun.Yes, things were definitely different but better.He smiled awkwardly at her.They hadn't really spoken about what had happened that night her family came home.He cleared his throat."Hi."Lee closed the door behind him.

"Hi."She sounded as nervous as he felt.She slowly walked to Lee and pulled her hand out from behind her back.In it she held a single red rose.

"This is to thank you for being there for me when I needed you and for being my friend."She got up on her toes and gave him a peck on the cheek.Before she could back away Lee grabbed her around the waist and held her there looking deep into her eyes.

"About what happened in your kitchen…"

Amanda flinched at the beginning of what normally was his excuse after every assignment that brought them physically close.She dropped her gaze and looked at his chest."I know, just the heat of the moment and the emotion and all.There is nothing between us and all that."Amanda stiffened.She couldn't possibly have misinterpreted his eyes that night.She be darned if she was going to accept his lame excuse.If he told her it was all in the line of duty or the heat of the moment she was going to hit him.His next words made her soften again.

"Not exactly."Lee gently pulled Amanda's body close to his till there wasn't any space between them.The rose fell to the floor from the trembling hands of Amanda.Lee lowered his face to within mere inches from Amanda's."There is a lot I don't know about you, Mrs. Amanda King, but I sure am going to love learning it all ever so slowly.You've captured my heart, Mrs. King."

Amanda couldn't believe the words she was hearing.Relief flooded through her.She relaxed in his embrace and lay her head against his chest.She smiled."Probably not as much as I will learning all about you."Her voice seemed to crack at the end.Tears had sprung unbidden to her eyes.  
  
Lee heard the emotion in her voice.He gently placed his hand under her chin and slowly lifted her face to look at his.He leaned down and gently kissed both her eyes.Then he fingered the trail of tears to her lips.He gently traced the outline and marveled at how beautiful she was.He felt her shudder in his arms, glad of the response he was eliciting from her tiny body.He pulled her into a loving embrace.It felt so right to have her in his arms, so right to have her in his life.

Reluctantly they both pulled away from each other but stood gazing into each others eyes.Lee's hands slid up her back till it touched her shoulder harness."Look at who is the big bad agent now?"Lee joked.

Amanda blushed."Well, someone has to take care of you.You know how easily you get into trouble.Besides," she put on her most angelic face, "who would suspect lil ole me of carrying a gun?At least now when I say "FREEZE" I won't have to listen to your laughter afterwards."

Lee laughed out loud and lifted her up."You never cease to amaze me, Amanda King."

"Knowing me I know I never will."Lee gently let Amanda down and pulled her into an embrace again.

"There is something I have been wanting to ask you for a month now.What do you say you and I have a nice quiet dinner with just the two of us.A nice steak, potato on the side and a little wine and no shop talk.We don't do enough of that do we?"Lee looked down at the smiling face of Amanda.

"Not by half."

The End


End file.
